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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Maybe He’s Watching my Roaddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lukewarm
    Elite Ratio:    6.38 - 621/625/173
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 524
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 692



    Description:
       


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    dotsMaybe He’s Watching my Roaddots
    -------------------------------------------


    There aren’t too many places around here where
    Your can put hands to wood and hear the clink of dusty glasses
    Pulled off the highway, took a dirt path through the pine trees
    After three beers anyone gets to talking

    In my dream last night we sang a song, me and this stranger
    The first verse tumbled out of him like a coal-powered train
    He and the bartender turned towards me
    I opened my mouth, wasn’t sure what would come out
    But I sang the high chorus , my voice choked
    with whisky and reverence

    There are atheists in foxholes
    But god hides
    In the bottoms of bottles everywhere




    Submitted on 2017-01-06 20:59:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great write! I love that you take us through the woods. I can see the dirt path through the pine trees, the dusty old bar. The guys who "get to talking". In my mind I've added wrinkled faces, trucker hats, and flannel shirts. And that line:

    "The first verse tumbled out of him like a coal-powered train"

    In my humble opinion, there is much more to this than the "one-liner (esque)" punch line that it ends with. It's all that builds up to it that makes it seem effortless.

    Anyway, like I said, great write!

    -Jane
    | Posted on 2017-02-20 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      Gah, you are so good at those one-liner (esque) endings. Like, do you have a shamelessly self-promoting Instagram account where you make little pictures of your poems in typewriter font and post them with hashtags like #poetry?

    That sound super bitchy and sarcastic but I'm serious. Write a fucking book already.
    | Posted on 2017-01-10 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]


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