Maybe He’s Watching my Road -------------------------------------------
There aren’t too many places around here where
Your can put hands to wood and hear the clink of dusty glasses
Pulled off the highway, took a dirt path through the pine trees
After three beers anyone gets to talking
In my dream last night we sang a song, me and this stranger
The first verse tumbled out of him like a coal-powered train
He and the bartender turned towards me
I opened my mouth, wasn’t sure what would come out
But I sang the high chorus , my voice choked
with whisky and reverence
There are atheists in foxholes
But god hides
In the bottoms of bottles everywhere
Great write! I love that you take us through the woods. I can see the dirt path through the pine trees, the dusty old bar. The guys who "get to talking". In my mind I've added wrinkled faces, trucker hats, and flannel shirts. And that line:
"The first verse tumbled out of him like a coal-powered train"
In my humble opinion, there is much more to this than the "one-liner (esque)" punch line that it ends with. It's all that builds up to it that makes it seem effortless.
Gah, you are so good at those one-liner (esque) endings. Like, do you have a shamelessly self-promoting Instagram account where you make little pictures of your poems in typewriter font and post them with hashtags like #poetry?
That sound super bitchy and sarcastic but I'm serious. Write a fucking book already.