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    dots Submission Name: ideasdots

    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 15
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 140

       baby steps

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    ice cream sunset
    new thoughts (brand new neural connections)
    winter sky in summer

    Submitted on 2017-02-09 03:38:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nice font, makes the piece appear stark and uncomplicated.

    very good from you.

    The poem is pretty cool actually, cos it is what it is but there's also depth there too. Sunsets can be a molten, tumultuous time where there's that deep mood and the sky is melting so 'ice cream sunset' is a delicate contrast and seems suggestive of someone giving themselves a break you know? not being hard on one's self as well as enjoying the actual break.

    I really admire the second line, the double on 'new' and the musicality,/ease of it, alliteration = new/ new neural....

    and just the extension of it, con nect tions....
    there's an elongated feel to the line the way we struggle with something when it is to be learnt.
    The really lovely thing though is that, like i said, there's a musicality to it which reinforces that unstated affirmation that it might be good.

    'brand' is kind of a loaded word (in a nice way) because it goes toward that imprinting of a neural pathway and it does, it kind of halts or holds up the line before that lovely 'new neural connections bit.

    'brands' is also really nice because it's like this person wants to reinvent themselves, and every body deserves that little grace in life.

    The last line's pretty nice too. Turning that iconic symbol of sunset into something else and giving winter the unexpected connotation of renewal.

    winter Summer sky/summer

    subtle rhyme, using that musicality again. The line harks back to the ice cream thing, and really this poem is tightly crafted. So, pat yourself on the back, i'd say that's a perfect poem.
    | Posted on 2017-02-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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