Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ant Doesn't Caredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 419/435/131
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 613
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 951



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ant Doesn't Caredots
    -------------------------------------------


    The ant doesn’t care if it’s Christmas.
    He mucks about in the crevices of our white tile
    Just as he would any other day.
    He doesn’t care that I miss two of my sons,
    Or worry about my friend who is a grieving the loss of her child.

    He isn’t impressed by the Christmas lights,
    Or green cakes with poinsettia decorations,
    Projectors of snowflakes on garage doors.

    He’s searching for a drop of water,
    Or a random grass seed the dog or I dragged in,
    Something,
    Anything
    That he can take back to his colony.

    He is immersed in his moment
    Without meditation
    Or concentration
    Or mindfulness

    Deepak Chopra didn’t have to tell him
    Or the Dali Lama
    Or Buddha
    Or Jesus.

    Because
    God isn’t in the carols or the church bells.
    God is in the struggle.




    Submitted on 2017-02-14 22:20:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Boom! and there it is, the raw truth of the matter.
    | Posted on 2017-03-29 00:00:00 | by WriteSomething | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the formatting, it becomes narrowed as the point is intensified.

    I like the focus of the cosmetic at the start, it's expertly contrasted with close up of an ant.

    I think the poem would be stronger if at the Deepak Chopra line you stated what it is D C et al didn't have to tell him. (generally)

    because there's a Christmas theme at the start. DC, DL, B, and JC for that matter -could probably give a fig about Xmas

    So, I'm not saying state it outright and ruin or weaken your great ending.... but state something, yeah?

    Btw, I know what the poem says and how great it is, I just think if you do that little thing you strengthen it.
    | Posted on 2017-02-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Jane,
    As always, i enjoy your work. It has a way of lightening my mood.
    - Jim
    | Posted on 2017-02-15 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201673

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry