Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beforedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 419/435/131
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1378



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeforedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have a picture of you before you were two. You are in blue shorts that matched your shirt. Matched your eyes.. Blonde curls in your hair.

    You are squatting balanced with your hand on a mosaic of the sun. Your smile is so full. Your eyes squinting back into the real sun..

    At that moment life was perfect. I was holding the camera. Aiming it at you.
    Watching your joy through the perfect lens of young motherhood
    and pride
    and utter and complete love.
    Perfect love.
    Perfect joy.
    Words so big they are forbidden in poetry.

    We need to show not tell.

    So I show you reaching for my hand to help you up.
    Show you whisper the word, “sunnnnnnnnn” as if you’re in love with the sound of it.
    The breeze on such a warm day.
    The roses on the vine behind you.
    Their sweet scent drifting and whirling around us.
    Beyond that the banyans lean toward the ocean and sway their limbs inviting us to climb.

    In this perfect world no one ever cheats and lies. No one gets divorced or violent. No one holds delusions. No one becomes addicted to heroin. And no one dies.

    In this world, no one wants anything more than to be encircled around the neck by a tiny blue eyed boy who sings the word “mommy”.




    Submitted on 2017-02-14 23:30:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Photographs are the ghosts we hold in our hands. I sometimes wonder if they're happier there, than in that in-between place where we can't see them at all. The stories die with the photographer, though, and all we have is that shadow left, so maybe not. This is beautifully written, as are all of your pieces.
    | Posted on 2017-04-06 00:00:00 | by WriteSomething | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was effortless and monumentally spiritual.

    Show you whisper the word, “sunnnnnnnnn” as you’re if in love with


    you have you're + if in the wrong order through your editing.

    Seriously, this poem puts the blue in wilderness. Intense.
    | Posted on 2017-02-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Jane,
    You bring me a memory of a time like that too - a time of bliss.
    - Jim
    | Posted on 2017-02-15 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201674

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Inate written by MyPeriodical
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Terrified part three written by MyPeriodical
    Glyph written by Daniel Barlow
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Things become tangled written by Daniel Barlow
    Forms and girders written by Daniel Barlow
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Sun-meeting written by Daniel Barlow
    Rough written by saartha
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    Global Death Do Incite written by MyPeriodical
    5/29/2019 written by nolram
    Variety written by saartha
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    dry this - and crush it into a perfume written by Daniel Barlow
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Exult written by saartha
    Orange written by saartha
    For serious written by Daniel Barlow
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The written by Hazy skies
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Emotions written by taintedsmiles
    Beloved written by Daniel Barlow
    Within a structure written by Daniel Barlow
    a trish poem written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry