Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Afterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 386
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 578
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2394



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    At first her words were flat and weak.
    Later in the night a sound like drowning
    rose up from her depths
    Wave after wave from a sea of loss.

    And then once, her lips trembled and a whisper came,

    “I know why he came,” she said,
    "He came to save my life."

    And then from an even smaller place,
    "I just don’t know why he left."

    So young.
    He was only 24.
    Her firstborn.

    She told of the moment of his conception when she knew she was pregnant. How it was in an instant and how she felt filled with warmth and light inside her womb. And then when he died, how she stood in her mother’s garden and felt that same light and warmth in her chest--her heart and how Olivia said she was his light-bearer
    now
    again.

    Pictures later showed her two children
    wrapped in blankets or being superheros together
    or smiling with flower pots on their heads
    The raising of boys I thought
    The rising of a son

    One day she unwrapped
    bobbles of brightly colored blown glass
    that he had created and she had found in his house.
    They shown-- dappled in sunlight on her newly cleaned porch.
    But she outshined the glass.
    I marveled at her.
    The dancing hands.
    How they would glide from piece to piece.
    The serenity that had washed over her face.
    The evenness of her lips.


    That day she brought out his clothes
    and breathed them in
    Deep
    Like she was taking in some drug
    Pulling him into her lungs
    Even if he killed her there--his clothes could still carry the virus that ended him
    “I will never smell him again,” she said.
    Placid. Steady. Sure.
    “Some things are worth dying for.”


    From the kitchen then,
    We heard a piece he had made and let me have
    (for a price)
    SMASH
    to the ground.
    I took it as a message to me
    that he didn’t want me to have it
    or that he didn’t want me there.

    But now I think it was a command.
    "Watch my mother!
    Guard her.
    Keep her safe.
    WAKE UP!
    This is killing her.
    DON’T LET IT!"




    Submitted on 2017-02-19 02:26:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is light (shimmers) and heavy (feeling) all at the same time, like a rainbow prism through a teardrop. I like people that can turn tragedies into words. You're obviously one of those people. Hi.
    | Posted on 2017-03-29 00:00:00 | by WriteSomething | [ Reply to This ]
      To be quite honest, I almost never comment on prose. I should be ashamed since I have posted it here once or twice.

    I enjoyed your piece, I can certainly relate to it. Someone close passed away not long ago so I can understand the feeling of despair and confusion that is triggered after a family members meets their demise. It is downright baffling how and when death happens sometimes, particularly when it is unexpected.

    Yesterday, I went on a bike ride a bit far from where I live and got a tyre punctured. Then, I realised my pump was not working either and on top of that my earphones were broken. It might seem ridiculous, but I began to think that maybe those things happened consecutively for a reason, like to stop something from coming to pass ....perhaps it was pure coincidence and I'm just rambling, as matter of course. But what if one of those things could have been different .... would that have altered something .... I would never know ...

    I'm very sorry for your loss I hope you can find peace,
    Kind regards :)


    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2017-02-28 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201677

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Love written by saartha
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    Etiquette written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry