Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sand Size Speckdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    1.95 - 45/161/168
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 296
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSand Size Speckdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A need to admire the moon





    To feel small.
    To be that sand size speck
    as it looks down upon us.





    Cosmic energy,
    pulsating
    into our beings,
    recharging through
    rest and pause.











    Tidal pools of inspiration.


















    Submitted on 2017-02-19 16:44:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      rest and pause, are they the same thing? the poem is so well written i can argue that pause could be pulse - in which case it's an inventive substitute for pulse since in my(twisted) mind a pause from rest is a pulse

    sand size speck is even better than sand sized speck
    because it forces you to draw out the quick little sentence. it is not one i'd like to attempt while drunk....
    anyway, the protraction exemplifies the aspect
    of feeling small/being put under the microscope.

    i commend the poem, the write, the author for the attention that has gone into 36 well placed and formatted words.

    the simple language
    shows that poetry its own
    non-complicated language, it actually makes me think of someone standing with both feet planted (in a stationary position) and launching themselves a good height up on to another level.

    one thing i think the poem lacks is a sonnet type punch the likes of which you'd typically find in the closing couplet. (last two lines).

    Tidal, is nice, it's evidence of thought, and crafting, and cohesiveness, on the other hand though i felt the ending was a bit greeting card like in that it lays out what is to be felt. It's not really inspirational, surprising, subtle etc. It comes across, therefore, as easy, mass produced and impersonal.

    If you were getting a card from your Valentine would you want something like that or some words they had written with their own hand?

    I guess my point is this. Poetry needs a point. Where i think you have done so finely up until the last line, that sweet sweetness, that gut punch, that super subtlety, whatever it is.... it's missing.

    Poems are hard, all the way through, they are.

    Anyway, i was very pleased to find this from you.
    | Posted on 2017-02-20 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201679

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by SincerWritinAsh
    As she lay sleeping written by Jonathan Ryner
    Proactive written by SincerWritinAsh
    Love Haiku written by concrete_rose
    Out of Darkness - Prologue written by PryncessVynom
    To Deny me... written by Jonathan Ryner
    Time after Time written by poetotoe
    Superstar written by Crestfallenman
    Time written by concrete_rose
    Sad Season written by helenastorm13
    Magic Man written by Carosuel
    Dying written by KeeperOfLight
    For the heart's soothing written by Jonathan Ryner
    It Follows written by helenastorm13
    Short Pieces written by WolfStar
    To the Voice of Antebellum written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Jonathan Ryner
    Contact written by KeeperOfLight
    Send Me written by gwenn sundala
    Soldier Boy written by Hazy skies
    cat written by mmray
    God’s Easter Gift written by poetotoe
    So What? written by bentnotbroken
    Pit Stop written by SincerWritinAsh
    My Little Blue Bird written by poetotoe
    Lack of Intimacy written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Sundays written by expiring_touch
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Price written by Janesaddiction
    Nowdays written by concrete_rose

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry