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    dots Submission Name: Sand Size Speckdots

    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 53/166/172
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSand Size Speckdots

    A need to admire the moon

    To feel small.
    To be that sand size speck
    as it looks down upon us.

    Cosmic energy,
    into our beings,
    recharging through
    rest and pause.

    Tidal pools of inspiration.

    Submitted on 2017-02-19 16:44:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      rest and pause, are they the same thing? the poem is so well written i can argue that pause could be pulse - in which case it's an inventive substitute for pulse since in my(twisted) mind a pause from rest is a pulse

    sand size speck is even better than sand sized speck
    because it forces you to draw out the quick little sentence. it is not one i'd like to attempt while drunk....
    anyway, the protraction exemplifies the aspect
    of feeling small/being put under the microscope.

    i commend the poem, the write, the author for the attention that has gone into 36 well placed and formatted words.

    the simple language
    shows that poetry its own
    non-complicated language, it actually makes me think of someone standing with both feet planted (in a stationary position) and launching themselves a good height up on to another level.

    one thing i think the poem lacks is a sonnet type punch the likes of which you'd typically find in the closing couplet. (last two lines).

    Tidal, is nice, it's evidence of thought, and crafting, and cohesiveness, on the other hand though i felt the ending was a bit greeting card like in that it lays out what is to be felt. It's not really inspirational, surprising, subtle etc. It comes across, therefore, as easy, mass produced and impersonal.

    If you were getting a card from your Valentine would you want something like that or some words they had written with their own hand?

    I guess my point is this. Poetry needs a point. Where i think you have done so finely up until the last line, that sweet sweetness, that gut punch, that super subtlety, whatever it is.... it's missing.

    Poems are hard, all the way through, they are.

    Anyway, i was very pleased to find this from you.
    | Posted on 2017-02-20 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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