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    dots Submission Name: Why There's No Foreverdots

    Author: WolfStar
    ASL Info:    26/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.85 - 119/130/46
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 940
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 246


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    dotsWhy There's No Foreverdots

    We are all hunting for
    a trace of everlasting,
    treading carelessly
    upon sparkling foliage
    that will never live again,
    blind to the celestial light
    of falling stars
    that will pass us just this once.

    Submitted on 2017-02-23 13:38:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know if I'm missing the point here but the word "carelessly" seems misplaced. I would have chosen a noun and maybe then it could have made sense, at least from where I'm standing.

    The line breaks appear to a be a little off too, particularly the first half. It is hard to follow it with pauses that sound a slightly artificial.

    I liked the contents though, the idea was nice as well as the imagery. It kind of made me think of this outrageous fact that the "NOW" lasts only a second and it all too quickly becomes the past. Thus, if one wants to live solely on the present must be sharp and fast to get it otherwise it can slip between one's fingers.

    I hope you don't mind some of my comments just my take on it.
    Have a great day,

    Ethan Brody
    | Posted on 2017-03-05 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      Given the possibility that there is no "beginning" the obvious conclusion is that an eternity has already passed. I would say that we are definitely a part of forever.
    | Posted on 2017-02-23 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

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