Glass Fish
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Description:
Glass Fish
The loss of you was cliché, Something that happens daily to Other People so writing about it would be redundant; Thousands of Me's have described their You's clearer than I ever could. I see you sometimes in their windows of words and it makes me feel transparent and makes the broken Us feel like less. My solitude is a bowl of water Motionless, fragility hanging on a single breath and all the eyes watching are magnified by the curvature of curiosity. Sometimes I feel unfinished, but perhaps my outlines were never meant to be colored in. |
Submitted on 2017-03-10 15:24:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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I don't know what to say about the first stanza. If you have nothing to say, then don't say anything? :D I understand what you tried to accomplish here though, the last two stanzas make that much clearer. Describing the feeling of being empty and nothing special is kinda hard. You did a good job in this poem but I think you could cut the first stanza and make it much shorter. I would start with the line: "Thousands of Me's" and drop everything above that, the poem would have a stronger start and it would look much better overall imo...| | Posted on 2017-04-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ] | the last phrase particularly struck a chord with me. passionate, and yet despairing. a very moving and strong ending. well done! | | Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ] | Sometimes I feel unfinished, | but perhaps my outlines were never meant to be colored in. This is a very powerful line and my favorite part of this piece. I can feel the longing and the perception of feeling like someone else defines you. Good job! | Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ] | There are days when every "me" | is magnified by every "you" to commonly shared endless degrees yet it never warps the truth only scribbles on the page are cheapened by the sentiments of those who feel they own all pain and have amassed a testament Just my thoughts on yours. | Posted on 2017-03-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | |
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