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Glass Fish

Author: WriteSomething
Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 24 /23 /9
Words: 112
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1241
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 828


Glass Fish

The loss of you was cliché,
Something that happens daily
to Other People
so writing about it
would be redundant;
Thousands of Me's
have described their You's
clearer than I ever could.
I see you sometimes
in their windows of words
and it makes me feel
and makes the broken Us
feel like less.

My solitude is a bowl of water
Motionless, fragility hanging
on a single breath
and all the eyes watching
are magnified
by the curvature of curiosity.

Sometimes I feel unfinished,
but perhaps my outlines
were never meant to be colored in.

Submitted on 2017-03-10 15:24:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I don't know what to say about the first stanza. If you have nothing to say, then don't say anything? :D I understand what you tried to accomplish here though, the last two stanzas make that much clearer. Describing the feeling of being empty and nothing special is kinda hard. You did a good job in this poem but I think you could cut the first stanza and make it much shorter. I would start with the line: "Thousands of Me's" and drop everything above that, the poem would have a stronger start and it would look much better overall imo...
| Posted on 2017-04-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  the last phrase particularly struck a chord with me. passionate, and yet despairing. a very moving and strong ending. well done!
| Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
  Sometimes I feel unfinished,
but perhaps my outlines
were never meant to be colored in.

This is a very powerful line and my favorite part of this piece. I can feel the longing and the perception of feeling like someone else defines you. Good job!
| Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
  There are days when every "me"
is magnified by every "you"
to commonly shared endless degrees
yet it never warps the truth

only scribbles on the page
are cheapened by the sentiments
of those who feel they own all pain
and have amassed a testament

Just my thoughts on yours.
| Posted on 2017-03-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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