Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Glass Fishdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WriteSomething
    Elite Ratio:    3.49 - 22/16/6
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 265
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGlass Fishdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The loss of you was cliché,
    Something that happens daily
    to Other People
    so writing about it
    would be redundant;
    Thousands of Me's
    have described their You's
    clearer than I ever could.
    I see you sometimes
    in their windows of words
    and it makes me feel
    transparent
    and makes the broken Us
    feel like less.

    My solitude is a bowl of water
    Motionless, fragility hanging
    on a single breath
    and all the eyes watching
    are magnified
    by the curvature of curiosity.

    Sometimes I feel unfinished,
    but perhaps my outlines
    were never meant to be colored in.
















    Submitted on 2017-03-10 15:24:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know what to say about the first stanza. If you have nothing to say, then don't say anything? :D I understand what you tried to accomplish here though, the last two stanzas make that much clearer. Describing the feeling of being empty and nothing special is kinda hard. You did a good job in this poem but I think you could cut the first stanza and make it much shorter. I would start with the line: "Thousands of Me's" and drop everything above that, the poem would have a stronger start and it would look much better overall imo...
    | Posted on 2017-04-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      the last phrase particularly struck a chord with me. passionate, and yet despairing. a very moving and strong ending. well done!
    | Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes I feel unfinished,
    but perhaps my outlines
    were never meant to be colored in.

    This is a very powerful line and my favorite part of this piece. I can feel the longing and the perception of feeling like someone else defines you. Good job!
    | Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      There are days when every "me"
    is magnified by every "you"
    to commonly shared endless degrees
    yet it never warps the truth

    only scribbles on the page
    are cheapened by the sentiments
    of those who feel they own all pain
    and have amassed a testament

    Just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2017-03-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201706

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Plutonian Nepenthe written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    My Irish Harp written by poetotoe
    Unselfish written by theman
    Desert written by lori_tab
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Room no. 222 written by Daniel Barlow
    Machiavellian Constellation written by HisNameIsNoMore
    lost in translation written by robbie
    Comedy written by lori_tab
    Your Love Was Enough written by poetotoe
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    in Dar written by expiring_touch
    Don't Stop written by poetotoe
    Shadows written by Daniel Barlow
    Independence Day written by endlessgame23
    Ritual Hunger written by endlessgame23
    Hope sustains life written by Ramneet
    The Supreme Court written by poetotoe
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Warm fuzzy "no" written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Silent Hill written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    poet written by expiring_touch
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Rehab written by theman
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    A weight of the World written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry