Glass Fish -------------------------------------------
The loss of you was cliché,
Something that happens daily
to Other People
so writing about it
would be redundant;
Thousands of Me's
have described their You's
clearer than I ever could.
I see you sometimes
in their windows of words
and it makes me feel
transparent
and makes the broken Us
feel like less.
My solitude is a bowl of water
Motionless, fragility hanging
on a single breath
and all the eyes watching
are magnified
by the curvature of curiosity.
Sometimes I feel unfinished,
but perhaps my outlines
were never meant to be colored in.
I don't know what to say about the first stanza. If you have nothing to say, then don't say anything? :D I understand what you tried to accomplish here though, the last two stanzas make that much clearer. Describing the feeling of being empty and nothing special is kinda hard. You did a good job in this poem but I think you could cut the first stanza and make it much shorter. I would start with the line: "Thousands of Me's" and drop everything above that, the poem would have a stronger start and it would look much better overall imo...
Sometimes I feel unfinished,
but perhaps my outlines
were never meant to be colored in.
This is a very powerful line and my favorite part of this piece. I can feel the longing and the perception of feeling like someone else defines you. Good job!
Submission Name: Glass Fish
