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    dots Submission Name: Glass Fishdots

    Author: WriteSomething
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 22/17/7
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 432
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGlass Fishdots

    The loss of you was cliché,
    Something that happens daily
    to Other People
    so writing about it
    would be redundant;
    Thousands of Me's
    have described their You's
    clearer than I ever could.
    I see you sometimes
    in their windows of words
    and it makes me feel
    and makes the broken Us
    feel like less.

    My solitude is a bowl of water
    Motionless, fragility hanging
    on a single breath
    and all the eyes watching
    are magnified
    by the curvature of curiosity.

    Sometimes I feel unfinished,
    but perhaps my outlines
    were never meant to be colored in.

    Submitted on 2017-03-10 15:24:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know what to say about the first stanza. If you have nothing to say, then don't say anything? :D I understand what you tried to accomplish here though, the last two stanzas make that much clearer. Describing the feeling of being empty and nothing special is kinda hard. You did a good job in this poem but I think you could cut the first stanza and make it much shorter. I would start with the line: "Thousands of Me's" and drop everything above that, the poem would have a stronger start and it would look much better overall imo...
    | Posted on 2017-04-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      the last phrase particularly struck a chord with me. passionate, and yet despairing. a very moving and strong ending. well done!
    | Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes I feel unfinished,
    but perhaps my outlines
    were never meant to be colored in.

    This is a very powerful line and my favorite part of this piece. I can feel the longing and the perception of feeling like someone else defines you. Good job!
    | Posted on 2017-03-27 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      There are days when every "me"
    is magnified by every "you"
    to commonly shared endless degrees
    yet it never warps the truth

    only scribbles on the page
    are cheapened by the sentiments
    of those who feel they own all pain
    and have amassed a testament

    Just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2017-03-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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