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    dots Submission Name: dots

    Author: Daniel Barlow
    Elite Ratio:    5.95 - 2138/2099/1688
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1368
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 5279


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


                        i walk around in company
                        and alone.

                        and my much maligned spirit
                        (under malign influence).


                        some feet
                        off the ground

                        it's silly
                        isn't it.

                        to want to be one
                        and not both.

                        and my, severed, much-making



                        are frayed a little bit.

                        the cracking bough is not out of place
                        when it's thunder and lightning.
                        and the rains are from every direction. but
                        it's quiet.


                        a quickness. a sun surface readiness.
                        &. wellness. a bounding all-over music
                        that sits not at all out of place but
                        it's quiet.

                        i never knew my heart would be
                        a small seed: a place from which
                        everything would


                        a child, whose
                        breathing, i would want to smother

    Submitted on 2017-03-16 14:17:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I had a very long comment that I wrote last night. Somehow it didn't post. Ehhh. So, paraphrasing will have to do. Your words do not match the emotion of the song. It's very yin and yang. Repetitive for sure with the same video three times. Is that a say it three times or post it three times because you mean it kinda thinking? I liked the beginning. How you pulled the reader in with how you walk around in company and alone. It's very hook, line, and sinker. I hated the second strophe. Truly. To confess a maligned spirit is such, oh I don't know, awful. It's the poo emoji. It's the frown face poo emoji. It's bitter tasting and leaves a shit face on the reader. Not to insult. Of course to provoke emotion shows the true talent of a writer. I am always that movie goer who hates the bad guy to my core through out the movie and then giving compliments to the writer for creating such trash! (I know.) So even though I hated it, who's to say it's awful. I know that poetry is either abstract or very real. I thought you did a great job making this feel very real. I even wanted to avoid commenting because I didn't want to be that person to say hey 'is everything okay?' But, you know what, fuck that. Poetry is meant to be a catharsis process and this is a great example. I hope that you have gotten all that darkness out of your system and not holding it inside of you. If in fact, if these words were genuinely what I just described, I wish you some joy and connection. The best part of your poem was when you expressed your heart as being a seed in which everything would grow from. That was beautiful . Sincere. Honest. Real. Identifiable. The last line was again awful. So this was a rollercoaster of emotion that I felt just as many ups as downs. What a journey you have provided with this write. I hope that, for your sake, you will never want to smother your inner child or that you may never want to smother a child. Both are awful. Again, I offer nothing to aid in making this better. I did however think of a song that your write reminded me of. Maybe you might agree. Maybe not, either way I hope that you continue to write as you are very talented.
    | Posted on 2017-03-18 00:00:00 | by Chelebel | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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