Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Daniel Barlow
    Elite Ratio:    5.98 - 2121/2079/1562
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 5279



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdots
    -------------------------------------------


                        i walk around in company
                        and alone.

                        and my much maligned spirit
                        (under malign influence).


                        buoyed,
                        still.

                        some feet
                        off the ground



                        it's silly
                        isn't it.


                        to want to be one
                        and not both.




                        and my, severed, much-making
                        dendrites.
                        grope.
                        for.



                        connection


         

                        are frayed a little bit.














                        the cracking bough is not out of place
                        when it's thunder and lightning.
                        and the rains are from every direction. but
                        it's quiet.

         


                        a quickness. a sun surface readiness.
                        &. wellness. a bounding all-over music
                        that sits not at all out of place but
                        it's quiet.









                        i never knew my heart would be
                        a small seed: a place from which
                        everything would
                        grow.

         

                        a child, whose
                        breathing, i would want to smother




    Submitted on 2017-03-16 14:17:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I had a very long comment that I wrote last night. Somehow it didn't post. Ehhh. So, paraphrasing will have to do. Your words do not match the emotion of the song. It's very yin and yang. Repetitive for sure with the same video three times. Is that a say it three times or post it three times because you mean it kinda thinking? I liked the beginning. How you pulled the reader in with how you walk around in company and alone. It's very hook, line, and sinker. I hated the second strophe. Truly. To confess a maligned spirit is such, oh I don't know, awful. It's the poo emoji. It's the frown face poo emoji. It's bitter tasting and leaves a shit face on the reader. Not to insult. Of course to provoke emotion shows the true talent of a writer. I am always that movie goer who hates the bad guy to my core through out the movie and then giving compliments to the writer for creating such trash! (I know.) So even though I hated it, who's to say it's awful. I know that poetry is either abstract or very real. I thought you did a great job making this feel very real. I even wanted to avoid commenting because I didn't want to be that person to say hey 'is everything okay?' But, you know what, fuck that. Poetry is meant to be a catharsis process and this is a great example. I hope that you have gotten all that darkness out of your system and not holding it inside of you. If in fact, if these words were genuinely what I just described, I wish you some joy and connection. The best part of your poem was when you expressed your heart as being a seed in which everything would grow from. That was beautiful . Sincere. Honest. Real. Identifiable. The last line was again awful. So this was a rollercoaster of emotion that I felt just as many ups as downs. What a journey you have provided with this write. I hope that, for your sake, you will never want to smother your inner child or that you may never want to smother a child. Both are awful. Again, I offer nothing to aid in making this better. I did however think of a song that your write reminded me of. Maybe you might agree. Maybe not, either way I hope that you continue to write as you are very talented.
    | Posted on 2017-03-18 00:00:00 | by Chelebel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201722

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Records I written by Raphael
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry