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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dyingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 40/64/74
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 425
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 837



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDyingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today I thought about Dying
    the Dying when your old kind

    or Dying by accident

    Not the intentionally Dying one

    It brought along some anxiety
    and turned me into myself

    Maybe its time for a stage of Crisis

    Is this how it starts?

    You think about what's out there
    And what you haven't done yet

    Who you're not with right now
    And where you could be

    If I had just taken the steps
    to be there
    then would I be happier?

    What kind of 'to be there'
    And 'what steps' do I need
    So I can be 'happier'?

    I don't know
    but I am sure i'm not Dying
    for awhile

    Anyway




    Submitted on 2017-04-12 01:41:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I like the stream of consciousness vibe. I like the way it peels away those layers of being human and trying to get a handle on this thing we are thrown into. "Life" with all its ambiguities and all its choices and so many of us wanting the same things: connection, love, happiness. . . but just not know HOW to get it.
    If I had done this. . . or maybe if I hadn't done that . . . these seem to be universal struggles, and therefore very relatable. And then the whole issue of our mortality . . .

    So yes. I like this. It's about feeling fragile and exposed and alone. But it isn't about giving up.

    One note:

    The grammar is off in the first stanza:

    Today I thought about Dying
    the Dying when your old kind

    I think I get what you're trying to say but you use the wrong kind of "your". It should be "you're". But the rest of it is constructed in this way that makes it hard to understand as well (IMHO).

    Maybe something like:

    Today I thought about Dying
    The kind of dying from being old

    Would work better.

    Just some thoughts.

    But again, nice work.

    | Posted on 2017-05-07 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


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