Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Creationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eggshells
    ASL Info:    23/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 29/75/68
    Words: 390
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2521



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Creationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am flowing against the current,
    while looking down this path.
    I am seeking the only answer
    that will breach all of this black.

    Now I reach out just to touch it,
    then I will pull it in.
    I'll allow it to surround me
    and settle deep within.

    My senses start to tingle
    as the solution appears within my grasp.
    This conclusion may be chaotic,
    but I must instigate this task.

    The answers start to ripple through the air.
    The black begins to tear.

    The holes that pierce the dark,
    shine clearly through the stark.

    Then I begin to call this light before me.
    Again, I slowly draw it in.
    I then pour it out completely
    and watch as the black begins to end.

    But the light seems to keep on going.
    I try, but cannot bring it to its end.
    These answers are multiplying
    And have become impossible to comprehend.

    I stretch myself to contain this
    seemingly unstoppable force,
    that I have created.
    I struggle to guide the course.

    The light begins to bend against my will,
    But this power throbs still.

    As another answer appears before me,
    the light starts to flash slowly.

    I fear the light may come to an end,
    but my answer may be able to mend it.
    Quickly, I reach deep within myself,
    clutch my light, and then extend it.

    Suddenly, a flash consumed my existence.
    The only perception was white.
    I believe I may have averted disaster,
    unless all is consumed by this light.

    The white fades.
    The black wades.

    Light swirls about in a transient way.
    The darkness probes for a place to lay.

    Now for the solution to this problem,
    I must create death.
    So I surround the light with the black
    and hold my breath.

    To my greatest surprise,
    the light pulses gently and slow.
    The darkness embraces the flames
    and lets off a grayish glow.

    My endeavor is complete,
    but my retirement has not begun.
    I now must find another
    who can do what I have done.

    We shall seek to find an answer.
    We shall seek to create a start.
    We shall seek to share a purpose.
    We shall seek to have a heart.

    End




    Submitted on 2017-04-30 12:13:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This seems like song lyrics. It has a bit of a cult-like quality to it. Interesting but disturbing.

    A quick grammar note:

    Most of the piece is in present tense:

    The light begins to bend against my will,
    But this power throbs still.

    Towards the middle, for just one stanza it is in past tense:

    Suddenly, a flash consumed my existence.
    The only perception was white.
    I believe I may have averted disaster,
    unless all is consumed by this light.

    But then it reverts back to present tense right away:
    The white fades.
    The black wades.

    I found this distracting.

    Interesting write, though.
    | Posted on 2017-05-28 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201779

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry