Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Chink of Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: yesmole
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 6/11/6
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 535
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017



    Description:
       A slap in the face, the retreat to the Keep, and the epiphany.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Chink of Lightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A slap in the face, nemesis following hubris,
    You are over confident, he warned
    And yeah, I was out teched, caught off guard,
    And I felt the touch of evil.

    But still, evil disguised behind the banal,
    And the perfect disguise, banality.
    It appears no threat
    But undermines all that is good.

    Leaving one disarmed, disoriented and powerless,
    The perfect victim.
    Driven inward to the last sanctuary
    To the Keep, to the last deep inner spring of delight.

    I relax, I look out over the marauders,
    And plan my revenge.
    And my revenge is a measure of my wound.
    I am a wounded tiger.

    I start to breath
    I am so grateful for the Keep
    It keeps me safe
    And enables me to start again.

    But I am shrived, I remember my fault,
    I was over confident, and was blind to my enemies,
    I have one chink of light
    That opens my eyes to reality.




    Submitted on 2017-05-04 19:01:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice style, it reads like an adventure story.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2017-06-04 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading "One Chink of Light". It was a mix of castles, morality, and confession. It's interesting what can inspire us to write, isn't it?

    Sometimes, it is what we least expect that causes us harm - "evil disguised behind the banal"...and so we become exposed, or maybe even a victim. No one can see everything for what it truly is...

    ...and we all have our sanctuaries...our "keeps". The places where we retreat to when we become exposed or hurt...or just want a place to fall back to...somewhere to re-energize.

    I see only one minor thing that you might want to update: I believe you meant to say "breathe" and not "breath" (line 17).

    Thanks for sharing - and welcome to elite!

    K

    | Posted on 2017-05-06 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201786

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Linger written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Giving written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Push written by JanePlane
    Wavelength written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry