Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Chink of Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: yesmole
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 6/11/6
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 399
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017



    Description:
       A slap in the face, the retreat to the Keep, and the epiphany.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Chink of Lightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A slap in the face, nemesis following hubris,
    You are over confident, he warned
    And yeah, I was out teched, caught off guard,
    And I felt the touch of evil.

    But still, evil disguised behind the banal,
    And the perfect disguise, banality.
    It appears no threat
    But undermines all that is good.

    Leaving one disarmed, disoriented and powerless,
    The perfect victim.
    Driven inward to the last sanctuary
    To the Keep, to the last deep inner spring of delight.

    I relax, I look out over the marauders,
    And plan my revenge.
    And my revenge is a measure of my wound.
    I am a wounded tiger.

    I start to breath
    I am so grateful for the Keep
    It keeps me safe
    And enables me to start again.

    But I am shrived, I remember my fault,
    I was over confident, and was blind to my enemies,
    I have one chink of light
    That opens my eyes to reality.




    Submitted on 2017-05-04 19:01:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice style, it reads like an adventure story.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2017-06-04 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading "One Chink of Light". It was a mix of castles, morality, and confession. It's interesting what can inspire us to write, isn't it?

    Sometimes, it is what we least expect that causes us harm - "evil disguised behind the banal"...and so we become exposed, or maybe even a victim. No one can see everything for what it truly is...

    ...and we all have our sanctuaries...our "keeps". The places where we retreat to when we become exposed or hurt...or just want a place to fall back to...somewhere to re-energize.

    I see only one minor thing that you might want to update: I believe you meant to say "breathe" and not "breath" (line 17).

    Thanks for sharing - and welcome to elite!

    K

    | Posted on 2017-05-06 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201786

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Love written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry