Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gods and Monstersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheJadedCritic
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 3/4/5
    Words: 523
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 476
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3489



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGods and Monstersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Over the shores of empty waves
    He stood, in knee-deep thoughts elate
    And sought the deep. Before him, only
    A river rushed; a hapless boat
    Was battling the river, lonely.
    And on the miry, misty banks
    Some huts appeared in lowly ranks
    A respite for the battered stranger
    And cover from the looming danger
    A darkened cauldron, blind to light
    In the invisible sun’s fog
    Was ever vocal. And ventured he:
    I’ll build a palace on these waters
    And cut to size the empty seas.
    I’ll put the savage on his knees
    Catch empty waters in my can
    And slay the monsters known to man.
    So thought the five-year-old explorer
    As he cast nets into the stream
    Scared little fish battled the tide
    But were caught up inside the ream.
    In granite the river was clothed
    Bridges unfolded over waters
    In dark-green gardens by the plotters
    The islands once again arose,
    But once again the seas eroded
    And dwindled masses, old republics
    Before the feet of savage foes.
    The sundry ships bobbed in the water
    Whose banks a sinusoidal wave
    Pounded into a frothy grave
    For ships descending on the shore
    This tale has since been cast in lore
    Alight in raindrops the sky, dark
    Was pierced by an eternal spark
    A sonorous grating pounding boom
    A prelude of encroaching doom
    Far out from shore a watchman brood
    Some ships in lowly solitude
    Aligned in sultry rows of ten
    A paragon of fishermen
    The earthly keepers of the seas
    With pregnant masts in frozen breeze
    They ventured out to waters free
    And were sent wayward to the sea
    And midst the void harpoons in hand
    Sent anchors down to frozen land
    And cast their nets into the ocean
    In thundering waves, the vile commotion
    Carried them out to waters free
    And sent them wayward to the sea
    A bonded cavalcade of men
    The woe-begotten fishermen
    The lonely guardians of zen
    And demigods to other men.
    The sunless storm cast waters down
    And sent them up the waves again
    And in a paralytic zen
    The frozen hapless fearless men
    Watched helpless as their bottoms rose
    And from the pyramid arose
    A beast of half a roaring mile
    They battled up the waves awhile
    But were sent headlong in foam sweep
    Down to the miry murky deep
    Where the enormous heaving mass
    Collapsed on top of them. En mass
    The shattered ships splintered and sank
    Down to the bottom but a rank
    Of wooden planks like half a hull
    And sunken flotsam crates and all
    Like hidden shipwrecks half-submerged
    Burped from the water and emerged
    Half-fishermen, half ship, half sea
    Half floating nightmare and half dream
    The gods and monsters of the deep
    Hushed up their cauldron half to sleep
    But deep inside the icy pot
    The murky depths a rage begot:
    A string of allies from the jaws
    Of Certain Doom fight teeth and claws
    A mortal fight until the end
    ‘Tween soulless fish, and fearless men
    Between the force of beast and man
    Of predator and fisherman
    And a parade held hand in hand
    Of gods and monsters take their stand




    Submitted on 2017-05-07 07:29:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This develops nice imagery but doesn't (at least to me without some coffee as of yet) hold focus. It seems to need a "hero" running through it, the five year old perhaps maybe growing up. But it does leave much to the imagination.

    It might also benefit from being broken into stanzas or paragraphs, IMHO. I'm thinking epic that could easily also be put to some classic type of rhyme scheme.

    Ambitious it is. The stuff of legends.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2017-07-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201789

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry