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    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots

    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 369
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1217
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2320

       Well, I've decided that I'm going to leave this as "Untitled" I think the words just speak for themselves.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    A simple word,
    Vibrant and throbbing,
    Lies dormant within my throat.

    Forever it will sleep,
    Guarded by demons and angels alike;
    And all the innards of a man
    Slowly losing an uphill war.

    And yet, even within these confines
    That I have so clearly lain for myself,
    I find myself struggling over custody
    Of a word as simple as this.

    It strains against the ropes;
    This cage that I have set so cleverly
    Seems to become less witty by the day.
    All of this traps I have set
    Are going off in my face,
    And all these barriers seem to become
    As solid as a cloud bank
    Whenever you simply pass by.

    Even at night
    The battle rages on,
    A constant debate within my soul.
    Slowly turning, torturing
    This mind that is not prepared
    For such a thought.
    Like a needle it drills,
    Puncturing deep within
    To the worm-ridden flesh
    That makes up this cold manís heart.

    And yet I am ashamed to say,
    I enjoy it.

    It is the incisions of a surgeon,
    Made to preserve, not to kill.
    With all the grace of a lover
    You lay me open on this table,
    Slowly piercing
    With the cold sterility of a stranger.
    Swiftly and surely
    These red lines split,
    Slowly revealing pale, pink flesh
    And all the brittle bones
    I have walked with all of these years.
    (You see I am not as strong as I am painted.)

    You reach through bleeding muscle
    And steam,
    Slowly weaving to reach what has been lost,
    Slowly moving to take
    What I promised I would never give away.
    All of this you do
    Just to get to this treasure I have hidden,
    Just to attain what I swore I would never lose.

    And I hate to sound so clichť,
    So Iíll just say this now and forever.
    My darling,
    You donít have to steal it,
    Although Iím glad you did.
    Iím so glad you found it,
    Please keep it for your self

    But on last thing I have to say:

    I would have just given it to you.

    Submitted on 2004-08-06 22:26:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I agree w/ Sidhartha about something like "Stolen Gift" for the title. That was amazing, awesome flow. By the sound of it, your gf is one lucky girl to have a bf that cares about her so much.
    | Posted on 2004-08-07 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm....sounds like your talking about having a heart to me. I like this a lot... and am once again left speechless by your eloquence and how heartfelt you write. There is nothing I would change about this (except, of course, to add a title -- which I am no help with, whatsoever - I'm sad to say). Very nice again, and keep it up...
    | Posted on 2004-08-07 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with superman when he said that your flow was amazing, it certainly kept me reading on to try and grasp more of your poetic talent. I love the imagery and how you have twisted the old concept of a love poem and depicted it in such a unique way. Respect to your infinite talent and this is definately a fav!
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by Tali | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...very very good...i have never seen a guy write like that-truly show their feelings. i like it..i like it a lot! it all just flows so well and sounds even better
    great write my friend, great write
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by brokenmirror | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem! Your flow was amazing and kept me reading intent to find out more. I was trying to think of a title as I scanned through the lines, and although I liked both of the titles you suggested I think your title should revolve around her stealing your heart or your giving of it. Maybe something like,
    " Take it, Sister Mary (whatever name)"
    "Take it, Mother Mary " " "

    But whatever you deiced I'm sure will fit. Great piece!
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]

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