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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rooted Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chelebel
    Elite Ratio:    2.2 - 53/167/173
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 336
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 684



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRooted Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    To reach out like a blossom,
    a bud, reaching for the
    moisture in the air.






    Thirsty for the atmospheric quench.
    Pollination, regeneration, and lifting
    its kin to travel places where
    it could not. For it was seeded
    and then eventually, rooted
    where it stood to contemplate
    the universe.



    Nature never contemplates
    the universe.
    It's just a part of it.
    It just accepts with
    no thoughts.
    Emitting energy to give and
    continues to give until,
    It; itself can give no more.




    Submitted on 2017-05-25 00:51:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the set up. I think the 3rd section would benefit visually from having a bit more space, setting it away from the second section.

    First section. You have a double on reaching, is there any way you could find a word to replace reaching, something that encapsulates the delicate nature of that life source (the blossom) and the delicate nature of that
    effort.


    Thirsty for the atmospheric quench.
    is ungainly and kind of sucks








    all the life out of what could be (in description) a wonderful and lovely mechanism


    In the third section you immediately contradict what you said about nature contemplating by saying it doesn't. I don't mind that, I like that.

    As the writer you are the master and it's up to you pave a way that others will follow. That's why I like the contradiction.

    I reckon though that you should try a facebook exercise in all your sections. You know, those introductions where you only have a certain amount of characters to use and you can never quite say what you want.

    Try that, but then remember: you are not limited to a certain amount of characters, you can always allow my space.

    Sometimes when I'm writing I try and think that it's my last poem, the last chance I have to reach someone, to get that girl back (kind of thing).

    It helps focus the venom, or the sensitivity
    to what that was about. It's a good bullshit meter. You know, in poetry there's always another try, but what if there wasn't.


    Lastly, I applaud/admire the musings of this work.

    db
    | Posted on 2017-07-31 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful expression of the life cycles, in abstract and in matter. We are seeded, not always catching the soil with roots where we land... that is so true.
    | Posted on 2017-05-25 00:00:00 | by WriteSomething | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how the title compliments the story line. Being rooted is more than being rooted if that makes any sense. We are all products of nature, your poem exemplifies that very well and in such a melodic tone. Very nice.
    | Posted on 2017-05-25 00:00:00 | by Cayman | [ Reply to This ]


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