[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lampdots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 384
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 285


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The delineation of you
    as the sun drifts
    redly into the field

    in this yammering world
    there are still a few
    quiet spaces

    I wanted to be
    a lighthouse for you

    but look,
    you already glow.

    Submitted on 2017-06-15 00:21:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      So, few words to tattoo an image of a ," Human Glow ". I get a feeling of love , like you were the admirer. And, yes it is a busy world to few moments to capture a meeting, they always say maybe we'll see you again, the feeling of wonder an awe then the next thing to do.. Teika5

    | Posted on 2017-07-09 00:00:00 | by teika5 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah... you know it's hard to express. I myself like a painterly quality, that may get in the way of what you are saying. So I don't speculate here.

    But suns drifting redly into fields,

    and the "yammering world"

    You know after sun it isn't so far in it's yammering from a "yellowing world"
    and then we have the shine of the lighthouse. If I was you writing it, (which I would never presume) I think I would be feeling these colours as central to my desire to write it.

    But there's also space and the only way something can glow. Not a hint of shade happily. Perhaps "redly" or "lighthouse", but neither word is oppressively solid.

    Specific title, an avoidance of anything inaccessible and I think you are right, you and the object, light and light. I don't presume to get creative with any kind of response it's just that yes that's exactly what I feel. And I like the economy of your words,and the economy of a lamp. You never get benal or draw attention to the perfunctory.

    There is a metaphor here, perhaps of love or excess of love; love discarded.

    So if you could, what poems would you place around this? Or rather if it was a poem on page 13, what would be on 14? It's certainly good enough to have a page.
    | Posted on 2017-07-02 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    AI written by poetotoe
    Linger written by saartha
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]