Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lampdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/389/136
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 605
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 285



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLampdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The delineation of you
    as the sun drifts
    redly into the field

    yes,
    in this yammering world
    there are still a few
    quiet spaces

    I wanted to be
    a lighthouse for you

    but look,
    you already glow.




    Submitted on 2017-06-15 00:21:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      So, few words to tattoo an image of a ," Human Glow ". I get a feeling of love , like you were the admirer. And, yes it is a busy world to few moments to capture a meeting, they always say maybe we'll see you again, the feeling of wonder an awe then the next thing to do.. Teika5

    | Posted on 2017-07-09 00:00:00 | by teika5 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah... you know it's hard to express. I myself like a painterly quality, that may get in the way of what you are saying. So I don't speculate here.

    But suns drifting redly into fields,

    and the "yammering world"

    You know after sun it isn't so far in it's yammering from a "yellowing world"
    and then we have the shine of the lighthouse. If I was you writing it, (which I would never presume) I think I would be feeling these colours as central to my desire to write it.

    But there's also space and the only way something can glow. Not a hint of shade happily. Perhaps "redly" or "lighthouse", but neither word is oppressively solid.

    Specific title, an avoidance of anything inaccessible and I think you are right, you and the object, light and light. I don't presume to get creative with any kind of response it's just that yes that's exactly what I feel. And I like the economy of your words,and the economy of a lamp. You never get benal or draw attention to the perfunctory.

    There is a metaphor here, perhaps of love or excess of love; love discarded.

    So if you could, what poems would you place around this? Or rather if it was a poem on page 13, what would be on 14? It's certainly good enough to have a page.
    | Posted on 2017-07-02 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201809

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Genesis written by saartha
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Incubus written by monad
    This written by Chelebel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry