Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Holding on to Intent (working title)

Author: rev.jpfadeproof
ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
Elite Ratio:    6.05 - 368 /366 /172
Words: 155
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1353
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 924


ah...just threw this on paper because I had to get it out of the soul. Needs lots of work...

Holding on to Intent (working title)

This morning I was moved to tears for the sun-
In the way it swirls in the sky like a bright goose egg

It reminded me of you, in how

Loving you is like holding its yoke as it twizzles in the hand- how
You cannot be clenched; how you simply seep through my fingers the tighter I grasp

The day is now spent- the yellow smeared in my palms has dissolved into

Blue- like

1,000 intents of the poet that spiral listlessly as misplaced words
That strewn the bare white fields of a horizon that never comes-

Most nights I could almost convince myself that you’re in love with me

It’s easy when the stars slip in through the cracks and fleck my chest
I’m too lit to resist-

DiCicco Cosentino ©

Submitted on 2017-06-16 21:42:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  "1,000 intents of the poet that spiral listlessly as misplaced words
Strewn (over) bare white fields of a horizon that never comes- "

of the two posts that I've read, this one that you feel "needs a lot of work" is closer to completion than you believe. even in its length it still "behaves" like minimalist poetry and gets to its wistful point more quickly and precisely than "You Don't Know Me."

But those are just my thoughts on your thoughts.
| Posted on 2017-06-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?