Sex Addict. -------------------------------------------
"But I love you"
A phrase I have used a thousand times
As I look into his brown eyes
And see the disappointment there
From all the knives I have used to
Stab him in the back.
Ripping him to shreds
Betraying his trust time & time again
How can I make him understand that I am the problem
That I compulsively use men & sex as a means to an end
That this deep, numb feeling that takes over my body
I use their pleasure to cure my pain
Faceless bodies with countless names
That when asked why I do what I do
I simply reply "Chalk it up to the game"
How do I explain
That I am sick & sex became my medicine
That my self worth has dwindled down to nothing and this is the only way I feel alive
How do I make him trust when all I do is tell countless lies
That no one knows what runs through my mind
And how this obsession has taken over my life
That I am damaged goods
Like trash piled on a curb
Stinking & rotting in the hot sun
You can smell my stink from miles away
And still he wants to stay
He says he loves me
But I do not know about love
I am screaming out for help
I cannot control myself
I am spiraling down and unlike an addict that simply stops the drug of choice
Sex addiction is a disease without a voice
How can something that is a part of normal life become something so twisted & sick
And know what I try
The damage I have inflicted on myself
Is one wound I cannot lick
Where is my light out of myself?
How do I explain that my purity was tainted long ago
And this life is all that I have come to known
The perverse and sick reality of who I am and all the abuse
Where do I go?
Every step forward has ended up in a stumble and fall
And every time I lose it all, I promise myself this time it will be different
I build myself so high, just to tear myself down
And what will I do when he no longer wants to be around?
How many times will I hit bottom before the fall kills me?
This is more than sex addiction
This about life or death
And every time I say
"but I love you"
I can't help but wonder
How many chances do I have left?
The piece of work took me by strom : with love mix with violence . It was a bit lengthy but as so it is when putting passion in words . I love it, it's so true that innocents is taken early and there is few to many moments to vent that out.