Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: hurrying About dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: teika5
    ASL Info:    46 / m/ parts unknow
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 46/9/20
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Prose/Satire
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 337



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshurrying About dots
    -------------------------------------------


    it is my way to scurry
    to fight, to block noise, and time

    so many times have impression's
    fell off , into forgetting them

    to ride the high of,
    < the surprise that has yet to be>
    is a gift , given by a divine

    it is by luck to get these ti bits




    Submitted on 2017-07-18 01:45:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I meant not to like this because in the beginning it seemed like much same language repeating same language but you have convinced me otherwise.

    I would say fallen off as opposed to fell off.

    to say fell off sounds like someone who skipped school and went fishing. Incorrect usage...

    That aside, I like the direct and intentionally straightforward language, the repetition of time/times
    and the closeness of something falling to something falling into being forgotten.
    That's beautifully deft.

    to ride the high of,
    < the surprise that has yet to be>
    is a gift , given by a divine

    I admire totally the effect the use of brackets causes without particularly being able to explain why. That bracketing forces me to take a certain route through the poem, forces me to a pause between the 1st and 3rd sentences, and then a resumption between the 1st and 3rd sentences. Just thought that was brilliant and lifted the poem to a spiritual element. Not sure if that's finished, if i'm missing something (highly likely)

    is the last word meant to be tidbits?

    it is by luck we get to this bit? not sure there.

    I like the title. In relation to how I initially read it, I was a bit scornful and then a bit mad at myself for being judgemental, and then - simply appreciative. That's the message carried through the poem, mimicked in the poem, and i think what you're trying to convey in the last line.

    With its lowercase and commas all over the place it doesn't look like a good poem. As we know too well, looks can be deceiving. Thought this was excellent.

    | Posted on 2017-07-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201846

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    what a thought could do to you written by Daniel Barlow
    Lying Acceptance written by ForgottenGraves
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Within a structure written by Daniel Barlow
    At The Bottom written by MyPeriodical
    Emotions written by taintedsmiles
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Ahem written by Daniel Barlow
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sólo por pensar asi written by MyPeriodical
    Yearn written by saartha
    The written by Hazy skies
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    motivations, eclectic. written by Daniel Barlow
    For serious written by Daniel Barlow
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    The Inate written by MyPeriodical
    Forms and girders written by Daniel Barlow
    Something Spoken written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    a given written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry