Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: hurrying About dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: teika5
    ASL Info:    46 / m/ artesia ca
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 38/9/16
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Prose/Satire
    Total Views: 299
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 337



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshurrying About dots
    -------------------------------------------


    it is my way to scurry
    to fight, to block noise, and time

    so many times have impression's
    fell off , into forgetting them

    to ride the high of,
    < the surprise that has yet to be>
    is a gift , given by a divine

    it is by luck to get these ti bits




    Submitted on 2017-07-18 01:45:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I meant not to like this because in the beginning it seemed like much same language repeating same language but you have convinced me otherwise.

    I would say fallen off as opposed to fell off.

    to say fell off sounds like someone who skipped school and went fishing. Incorrect usage...

    That aside, I like the direct and intentionally straightforward language, the repetition of time/times
    and the closeness of something falling to something falling into being forgotten.
    That's beautifully deft.

    to ride the high of,
    < the surprise that has yet to be>
    is a gift , given by a divine

    I admire totally the effect the use of brackets causes without particularly being able to explain why. That bracketing forces me to take a certain route through the poem, forces me to a pause between the 1st and 3rd sentences, and then a resumption between the 1st and 3rd sentences. Just thought that was brilliant and lifted the poem to a spiritual element. Not sure if that's finished, if i'm missing something (highly likely)

    is the last word meant to be tidbits?

    it is by luck we get to this bit? not sure there.

    I like the title. In relation to how I initially read it, I was a bit scornful and then a bit mad at myself for being judgemental, and then - simply appreciative. That's the message carried through the poem, mimicked in the poem, and i think what you're trying to convey in the last line.

    With its lowercase and commas all over the place it doesn't look like a good poem. As we know too well, looks can be deceiving. Thought this was excellent.

    | Posted on 2017-07-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201846

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The World written by jjd
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry