Silent Hill -------------------------------------------
When all is silent
'cept the air, hot
and violent
redolent with noxious
chemical odor,
then is the time
to peek over your
bony shoulder
and watch with starry eyes
as explosive ash
and careless gods
consume the skies.
I think that your journal, with the inclusions of rhyme is better than anything of yours I have seen posted. (to be fair I have only clicked on a few and they have been rhymed ones).
I like how the wording comes across as precision. I mean precision as opposed to precise because
and violent
redolent with noxious
chemical odor,
these are very careful words with short sharp bits to them and then as you elaborate, as the poem moves forward, it's then that you do so work with the rhyming deal. It's like you give to poetry, the exploratory part of it, legs.
To me the part that lifts the poem most is the single line away from the block. It introduces a totally different viewpoint/concept. She is free. Like this peak point in turmoil lifts her from her guardianship.
That poem is excellent.
I was trying to write a bit today.... bringing a storm to good weather.
That facet of poetry is excellent, finding the unexpected.
My point is your deconstruction of the roles of the sky, your reverse engineering. That is some good shite to see on a page.
I think your title shucks btw... what happened to Silent hill?
Submission Name: Silent Hill
