Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Silent Hilldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: endlessgame23
    ASL Info:    25/f/The Endless Table
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 21/25/20
    Words: 43
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 97
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilent Hilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    When all is silent
    'cept the air, hot
    and violent
    redolent with noxious
    chemical odor,
    then is the time
    to peek over your
    bony shoulder
    and watch with starry eyes
    as explosive ash
    and careless gods
    consume the skies.

    She is free.




    Submitted on 2017-07-18 20:34:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ...

    I think that your journal, with the inclusions of rhyme is better than anything of yours I have seen posted. (to be fair I have only clicked on a few and they have been rhymed ones).

    I like how the wording comes across as precision. I mean precision as opposed to precise because

    and violent
    redolent with noxious
    chemical odor,

    these are very careful words with short sharp bits to them and then as you elaborate, as the poem moves forward, it's then that you do so work with the rhyming deal. It's like you give to poetry, the exploratory part of it, legs.

    To me the part that lifts the poem most is the single line away from the block. It introduces a totally different viewpoint/concept. She is free. Like this peak point in turmoil lifts her from her guardianship.

    That poem is excellent.

    I was trying to write a bit today.... bringing a storm to good weather.

    That facet of poetry is excellent, finding the unexpected.

    My point is your deconstruction of the roles of the sky, your reverse engineering. That is some good shite to see on a page.

    I think your title shucks btw... what happened to Silent hill?
    | Posted on 2017-07-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201851

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ammit Ma'at written by endlessgame23
    My Irish Harp written by poetotoe
    The Eternal Moment written by endlessgame23
    Ritual Hunger written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Aster written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Last Correspondence written by Angeles
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Don't Stop written by poetotoe
    psychedelics written by Daniel Barlow
    hurrying About written by teika5
    August Falls Down written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Warm fuzzy "no" written by teika5
    Silent Hill written by endlessgame23
    lost in translation written by robbie
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Transformation written by Ramneet
    The Raven Lies written by poetotoe
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    K.I.M. written by Daniel Barlow
    Scars written by MistidLovelac
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Machiavellian Constellation written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Oasis written by Crestfallenman
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    47.4979 19.0402 written by homeless
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Comedy written by lori_tab

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry