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    dots Submission Name: Silent Hilldots

    Author: endlessgame23
    ASL Info:    25/f/The Endless Table
    Elite Ratio:    3.24 - 28/41/44
    Words: 43
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 358
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326


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    dotsSilent Hilldots

    When all is silent
    'cept the air, hot
    and violent
    redolent with noxious
    chemical odor,
    then is the time
    to peek over your
    bony shoulder
    and watch with starry eyes
    as explosive ash
    and careless gods
    consume the skies.

    She is free.

    Submitted on 2017-07-18 20:34:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    I think that your journal, with the inclusions of rhyme is better than anything of yours I have seen posted. (to be fair I have only clicked on a few and they have been rhymed ones).

    I like how the wording comes across as precision. I mean precision as opposed to precise because

    and violent
    redolent with noxious
    chemical odor,

    these are very careful words with short sharp bits to them and then as you elaborate, as the poem moves forward, it's then that you do so work with the rhyming deal. It's like you give to poetry, the exploratory part of it, legs.

    To me the part that lifts the poem most is the single line away from the block. It introduces a totally different viewpoint/concept. She is free. Like this peak point in turmoil lifts her from her guardianship.

    That poem is excellent.

    I was trying to write a bit today.... bringing a storm to good weather.

    That facet of poetry is excellent, finding the unexpected.

    My point is your deconstruction of the roles of the sky, your reverse engineering. That is some good shite to see on a page.

    I think your title shucks btw... what happened to Silent hill?
    | Posted on 2017-07-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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