Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: August Falls Downdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: endlessgame23
    ASL Info:    25/f/The Endless Table
    Elite Ratio:    3.24 - 28/41/44
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 572
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 284



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugust Falls Downdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She rides a comet
    falling from the abyss
    as I lie in ignorance
    of her name, her history
    if she's real or imaginary.
    Celestial mystery
    incessantly taunting
    the tip of my tongue
    with the answer
    to her prayers




    Submitted on 2017-08-02 07:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Succubus, incubus, incongruous incredulous. In objection to Outlaw's assessment I found it sassy and provocative.

    http://www.eliteskills.com/z/199593
    | Posted on 2017-09-19 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      If yer comet is falling, then I'd gander it's a meteor. The meaning of lie is also vague enough in this context that it could go either way. That comma is just playing the role of a line break. Don't feel like skipping the indefinite article helps your second sentence (see what I did there). I'd also consider inverting incessantly taunting to keep up your '-y' end rime. the inversion would require punctuation though, just to maintain syntactical meaning (but idk, poetry, so who cares). last two verses seem weak in terms of meaning, and the last one in particular, seem random (at least to me). The answer to her prayers is being touted by [a] celestial mystery that's implied as being her. So she's teasing the tip of your tongue with the answer to her prayers (which is her name?).

    Meanwhile your title would suggest her name is August, and sounds oddly like the last verse of ring around the Rosie.
    | Posted on 2017-08-08 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    201873

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Giving written by jjd
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wavelength written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    To written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    This written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry