in Dar -------------------------------------------
in this place black bread crumbs
return perpendicular
to the moon and its ocean
weaving nets
on the naked shores, sand exposed
by the tide presses hard
made up words
to my shins, squeezing,
as I balance on single-branch fence,
bent
under my weight.
I like it , overall. The work has a story them , in an abstract way, though I do believe the pice is A little off topic . Meaning there is a lot of subject matter, And if your so inclined to see , there could be some other poems out of the type of subjects used, THe work ,<has good images>
Teika5
Seems like it's underpaved
and each line so connected and essential to the next
it's like you are stepping out from a cliff but still raised above the cliff. I loved it.
these couple of lines are a great example:
in this place black bread crumbs
return perpendicular
The 3 c's catch and collect each other.
the short thump of black bread and then the catching of the b again with crumbs
the similar work of the r's some you have something that's short and then elongated...
I like the poem, it's describing something - i don't know what (and that's not essential) i just get the sense of something very special.
good like a meteorite you picked up and kept for your own, this fragment.
Submission Name: in Dar
