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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sword in the Waterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.81 - 94/130/108
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1052
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSword in the Waterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ripples and waves;
    A sound in the water
    Cutting clear hems
    Will we sleep?

    Hear it far away
    It's granite sinking
    Compacts and clocks
    Through faces in the street

    Which is to say
    It keeps time
    Its sound in the water;

    Which is to say
    It keeps time.

    The panging of a bell;
    Its stalwart shadow on the wall
    In rain, is a mirror while we sleep
    Which is to say
    We see nothing at all.

    The sounds I hear beneath words
    That keep me up 'till morning time
    A sword in the water
    Which is to say
    It is wet from harm.

    The glad sun sees it
    And the reaches darken,
    The mood darkens

    Sword in the water keeps time
    Which is to say
    It will hit the air soon.

    The sword in the water
    Keeps time
    Which is to say




    Submitted on 2017-09-24 06:54:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      bleh.

    I think a lot of things about this poem so here are some of them...

    your action lines
    Its sound in the water;
    We see nothing at all.
    It is wet from harm.
    etc

    might be stronger if they were put in bold.

    Generally I love this but it's complex enough I am dumb enough to not fully be able to appreciate it. I don't think that's a criticism at all, what I think really is that what bars you from some poems is experience, clearly, you have experienced this, and clearly - i have not got to that part of my life yet, which simply says, to me, shut up and listen more. Shut up, and let the poem do the talking. Listen, so that you recognize it when you come across it... that's all I mean.

    I like the way this poem moves through senses or backs off into consciousness so that all way way through it is there and not there. To me, when a person writes, they can be so on point, but that is just one little point, there is of course everything else. So a poem presents a biased and often limited -even unfair focus. I guess what I saying is that that is what I think this poem is about. Imagine you are looking at some water rippling in the light -and then limiting yourself to the way it glints in just one spot. The dilemma for a poet (or a person) is that, collectively, the image is too full or too sparse.
    There is all you want to say, and that which leaves you wordless. I don't know. I am a warrior. I am a peaceful day.
    That's what makes a person.

    Lovely writing.
    | Posted on 2018-01-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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