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Sword in the Water

Author: Wolfwatching
ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
Elite Ratio:    7.48 - 99 /144 /129
Words: 151
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 2697
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 975


Sword in the Water

Ripples and waves;
A sound in the water
Cutting clear hems
Will we sleep?

Hear it far away
It's granite sinking
Compacts and clocks
Through faces in the street

Which is to say
It keeps time
Its sound in the water;

Which is to say
It keeps time.

The panging of a bell;
Its stalwart shadow on the wall
In rain, is a mirror while we sleep
Which is to say
We see nothing at all.

The sounds I hear beneath words
That keep me up 'till morning time
A sword in the water
Which is to say
It is wet from harm.

The glad sun sees it
And the reaches darken,
The mood darkens

Sword in the water keeps time
Which is to say
It will hit the air soon.

The sword in the water
Keeps time
Which is to say

Submitted on 2017-09-24 06:54:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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I think a lot of things about this poem so here are some of them...

your action lines
Its sound in the water;
We see nothing at all.
It is wet from harm.

might be stronger if they were put in bold.

Generally I love this but it's complex enough I am dumb enough to not fully be able to appreciate it. I don't think that's a criticism at all, what I think really is that what bars you from some poems is experience, clearly, you have experienced this, and clearly - i have not got to that part of my life yet, which simply says, to me, shut up and listen more. Shut up, and let the poem do the talking. Listen, so that you recognize it when you come across it... that's all I mean.

I like the way this poem moves through senses or backs off into consciousness so that all way way through it is there and not there. To me, when a person writes, they can be so on point, but that is just one little point, there is of course everything else. So a poem presents a biased and often limited -even unfair focus. I guess what I saying is that that is what I think this poem is about. Imagine you are looking at some water rippling in the light -and then limiting yourself to the way it glints in just one spot. The dilemma for a poet (or a person) is that, collectively, the image is too full or too sparse.
There is all you want to say, and that which leaves you wordless. I don't know. I am a warrior. I am a peaceful day.
That's what makes a person.

Lovely writing.
| Posted on 2018-01-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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