Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Comme un lion en avrildots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Outlaw
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 510/413/195
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1208
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1339



    Description:
       it's unclear, and I don't really have the words to create the tension, but the idea is that the he pronoun refers to both the role model upon which her romance is based, and also the actual he in which it currently resides. Her father and the man she shares her bed with if you will. I'm looking to eventually work in more lion imagery. Spring, maybe, and the pallor of snow too.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComme un lion en avrildots
    -------------------------------------------


    a fallen claw, left behind, picked up
    like an heirloom, but re-purposed in the modern way.
    she's kindled by a passion, despite being brought up
    by the tendrils of uncaring, unable to say
    he is my warmth

    instead she clings by the might of her bite
    to a stone ledge, an unrequiting dalliance.
    she scrapes the claw, again and unlike
    her, it creates warmth within compliance.

    he steals from me and yet she clings
    to his body, a desperate rescue amidst the storm.
    she is a murky pearl, a cloudy jade, a beige stratus
    before his trembling and towering weakness.
    all too familiar a touch, still strangers at heart.

    youth is brutal like the billowing of bullying
    whispers softly against a child's eardrums
    pouring in the serum of self-effacing
    depression, a simple lock that takes years to come apart.

    youth is desperate like the words of the moribund,
    a cumulonimbus striking at the earth quickly, yet lingering
    ever feeling tension and fecund attraction --
    ripping at the seams like an oncoming convulsion.

    she is a victim of this youth, and he is her victim.




    Submitted on 2017-11-26 22:57:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202004

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Stretto written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Genesis written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry