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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: shimmerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Daniel Barlow
    Elite Ratio:    5.95 - 2136/2098/1675
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshimmerdots
    -------------------------------------------


         


         i know you have felt neglected,
         slipped the moorings like some little yacht
         no-one has paid any mind to
         jostling. rising, falling on the swell.

         i know that feeling - a great distance. nowhere really.
         like riding the forks of lightning





         i'll just stare at you
         grab hold of your
         soul.






    Submitted on 2017-12-30 11:12:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sup.

    i'm working to bring the various metaphors together here but i think that i have got it, although the truncated nature of the narrative for me at least, is counter-intuitive and therefore distracting from the theme.

    i am a geezer as you know Daniel and therefore i like 'joining' words and i have inserted the same therein hereafter hereunder:

    i know (that) you have felt neglected,
    slipp(ing) (your) moorings like some little yacht
    (that) no-one has paid any mind to:
    jostling. rising, falling on the swell.

    i know that feeling - a great distance. nowhere really.
    like riding the forks of lightning


    (so) i'll just stare at you
    (and) grab hold of your
    soul.

    not a grammar moment D but more of how i would get more from this because in my world, 'joining' words are like braille to the blind, providing deeper understanding and insight without compromising on the message.

    just saying...

    and be careful with that lightning riding palaver.

    how are you?

    | Posted on 2018-10-19 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]


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