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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What happensdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.68 - 96/136/117
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1099
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1014



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat happensdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sun-roasted out by sea in a carriage
    Green water is spilling over the gardens
    A dream; us sitting across from each other
    Every word we say is soft as wallpaper;
    I remember the smell of wine and bonfire smoke

    As we alight inside the packed station
    It seems like the entrance to a water-park
    Or some sea resort I saw on a brochure
    Im at ease at not knowing where we're going
    I remember the smell of wine and bonfire smoke.

    The long shadows are coming across the grass
    And I could swear you're right here by my side,
    Clouds move slow as we try to keep this shape
    This curious shape from so long ago.
    I remember the smell of wine and bonfire smoke.

    Do you know what shade of the past is in these dreams?
    Far away there's two of us in waking life,
    And if one dreams the absence of the other
    I doubt they wonder what it even means.






    Submitted on 2018-01-31 21:28:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Craig, I think that this one is quite lovely. You have a good balance of stasis and movement in this poem, it makes me think of one of those holographic type slides that you shift to see a different picture so that right throughout the whole poem you are never sure if it's the sea filling up a bucket or a bucket filling up the sea. :) The refrain works well, reinforcing that and striking some notes. I don't know, some of your poems are difficult for a different animal like me to access and then there are ones like this that could keep me company into my old age.
    | Posted on 2018-04-11 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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