Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What happensdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.68 - 96/136/117
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1014



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat happensdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sun-roasted out by sea in a carriage
    Green water is spilling over the gardens
    A dream; us sitting across from each other
    Every word we say is soft as wallpaper;
    I remember the smell of wine and bonfire smoke

    As we alight inside the packed station
    It seems like the entrance to a water-park
    Or some sea resort I saw on a brochure
    Im at ease at not knowing where we're going
    I remember the smell of wine and bonfire smoke.

    The long shadows are coming across the grass
    And I could swear you're right here by my side,
    Clouds move slow as we try to keep this shape
    This curious shape from so long ago.
    I remember the smell of wine and bonfire smoke.

    Do you know what shade of the past is in these dreams?
    Far away there's two of us in waking life,
    And if one dreams the absence of the other
    I doubt they wonder what it even means.






    Submitted on 2018-01-31 21:28:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Craig, I think that this one is quite lovely. You have a good balance of stasis and movement in this poem, it makes me think of one of those holographic type slides that you shift to see a different picture so that right throughout the whole poem you are never sure if it's the sea filling up a bucket or a bucket filling up the sea. :) The refrain works well, reinforcing that and striking some notes. I don't know, some of your poems are difficult for a different animal like me to access and then there are ones like this that could keep me company into my old age.
    | Posted on 2018-04-11 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202074

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Release written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Instances written by hyproglo
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry