Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It's Night Nowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 679
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Night Nowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the way that you move me, in the way motion hurts
    the sun now is setting
    in fidgets, in spurts
    outside my window, it’s only my sun
    the light neverlasting
    the colors all run
    no sun without moonlight
    no sleep for my eyes
    and never the morning
    again will you rise

    Listen, the cars down below in the dark now
    play me such symphony, play me such song
    now sun set, this sun set, these hues all epiphany!
    begging your glory, twas night all along

    I’ll watch you, sweet moon night, I’ll wait for your call
    and curse at the morning, still lost
    in your thrall
    the sunset, my sun set
    your moonlight, my dawn
    sweet sunlight, my sunrise
    my moonlight
    now gone




    Submitted on 2018-02-26 18:06:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I used to feel like it was important to repay comments with comments. :) So I will follow my own advice today. The first stanza reads in such a swoosh, as if all the descriptions only have one breath to be spoken. The second stanza stalls, trying to express the excitement. I worry about the word epiphany - it doesn't suit but I cannot lay my finger on why. Yet it doesn't distract that much so perhaps it isn't really that big of a deal. The third stanza brings closure, expresses that patient wanting. The poem expresses how painful, but luxurious longing can be. It was a nice read. Have a great St. Patrick's day this weekend.
    | Posted on 2018-03-16 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202089

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    This written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry