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    dots Submission Name: It's Night Nowdots

    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 188
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827


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    dotsIt's Night Nowdots

    In the way that you move me, in the way motion hurts
    the sun now is setting
    in fidgets, in spurts
    outside my window, it’s only my sun
    the light neverlasting
    the colors all run
    no sun without moonlight
    no sleep for my eyes
    and never the morning
    again will you rise

    Listen, the cars down below in the dark now
    play me such symphony, play me such song
    now sun set, this sun set, these hues all epiphany!
    begging your glory, twas night all along

    I’ll watch you, sweet moon night, I’ll wait for your call
    and curse at the morning, still lost
    in your thrall
    the sunset, my sun set
    your moonlight, my dawn
    sweet sunlight, my sunrise
    my moonlight
    now gone

    Submitted on 2018-02-26 18:06:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I used to feel like it was important to repay comments with comments. :) So I will follow my own advice today. The first stanza reads in such a swoosh, as if all the descriptions only have one breath to be spoken. The second stanza stalls, trying to express the excitement. I worry about the word epiphany - it doesn't suit but I cannot lay my finger on why. Yet it doesn't distract that much so perhaps it isn't really that big of a deal. The third stanza brings closure, expresses that patient wanting. The poem expresses how painful, but luxurious longing can be. It was a nice read. Have a great St. Patrick's day this weekend.
    | Posted on 2018-03-16 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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