Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It's Night Nowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Night Nowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the way that you move me, in the way motion hurts
    the sun now is setting
    in fidgets, in spurts
    outside my window, it’s only my sun
    the light neverlasting
    the colors all run
    no sun without moonlight
    no sleep for my eyes
    and never the morning
    again will you rise

    Listen, the cars down below in the dark now
    play me such symphony, play me such song
    now sun set, this sun set, these hues all epiphany!
    begging your glory, twas night all along

    I’ll watch you, sweet moon night, I’ll wait for your call
    and curse at the morning, still lost
    in your thrall
    the sunset, my sun set
    your moonlight, my dawn
    sweet sunlight, my sunrise
    my moonlight
    now gone




    Submitted on 2018-02-26 18:06:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I used to feel like it was important to repay comments with comments. :) So I will follow my own advice today. The first stanza reads in such a swoosh, as if all the descriptions only have one breath to be spoken. The second stanza stalls, trying to express the excitement. I worry about the word epiphany - it doesn't suit but I cannot lay my finger on why. Yet it doesn't distract that much so perhaps it isn't really that big of a deal. The third stanza brings closure, expresses that patient wanting. The poem expresses how painful, but luxurious longing can be. It was a nice read. Have a great St. Patrick's day this weekend.
    | Posted on 2018-03-16 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202089

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Humanity's Loss, Humanity's Gain | prt o written by MyPeriodical
    I Just Want to Have Fun written by SavedDragon
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody
    Remnants written by Soul-Hugger
    Generation Lost in Space written by teika5
    Ahogo written by MyPeriodical
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    The Veil written by Swimming Bird
    No words written by Janesaddiction
    Hide away written by robbie
    Humanity's Loss, Humanity's Gain | prt t written by MyPeriodical
    undetermined written by MyPeriodical
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Cansansio written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    is it nature written by MyPeriodical
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    A Dream Within a Dream (My favorite EAP poem) written by Debauchery
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    Next to you written by robbie
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Abyss (credit to Carina) written by Debauchery

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry