[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: It's Night Nowdots

    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Night Nowdots

    In the way that you move me, in the way motion hurts
    the sun now is setting
    in fidgets, in spurts
    outside my window, it’s only my sun
    the light neverlasting
    the colors all run
    no sun without moonlight
    no sleep for my eyes
    and never the morning
    again will you rise

    Listen, the cars down below in the dark now
    play me such symphony, play me such song
    now sun set, this sun set, these hues all epiphany!
    begging your glory, twas night all along

    I’ll watch you, sweet moon night, I’ll wait for your call
    and curse at the morning, still lost
    in your thrall
    the sunset, my sun set
    your moonlight, my dawn
    sweet sunlight, my sunrise
    my moonlight
    now gone

    Submitted on 2018-02-26 18:06:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I used to feel like it was important to repay comments with comments. :) So I will follow my own advice today. The first stanza reads in such a swoosh, as if all the descriptions only have one breath to be spoken. The second stanza stalls, trying to express the excitement. I worry about the word epiphany - it doesn't suit but I cannot lay my finger on why. Yet it doesn't distract that much so perhaps it isn't really that big of a deal. The third stanza brings closure, expresses that patient wanting. The poem expresses how painful, but luxurious longing can be. It was a nice read. Have a great St. Patrick's day this weekend.
    | Posted on 2018-03-16 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Push written by JanePlane
    AI written by poetotoe
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Linger written by saartha
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]