One Day
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Description:
One Day
One day I will be very old, carrying years like stones in bent thin fingers, and my hair will be the color Moon, instead of deep-shade muddy rivers, and Pain will be my walking cane and I will wake alone each morning because of what I do each day to push away the ones who love me. Today I am the perfect age independent, strong, I will not marry. I have no time to waste on compromise, I like my own decisions. Each day I find too short to finish what I think I must accomplish but one day I fear I'll find the time to feel postponed regret. |
Submitted on 2018-04-01 04:14:13 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| One day I will be very old, carrying years like stones I love this line. I love the whole first stanza. The symbolism and the metaphors are spot on. I don't know if the second stanza is needed. Or at least maybe it should be played with so that it, too is more metaphorical: Today I am a live oak, standing alone, strong, something maybe along those lines. Although maybe you are the stone or the river ??? Anyway, just some thoughts. I do very much enjoy your work. | Posted on 2018-07-14 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ] | The content of this piece is really good and expressing anguish. The regret is very obvious. Analogies used are great and make the reader comprehend the pain of postponed regret. | I would suggest to make it more rhythmic. | Posted on 2018-05-12 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ] | |
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