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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WriteSomething
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 24/23/9
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 749



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    One day I will be very old,
    carrying years like stones
    in bent thin fingers,
    and my hair will be
    the color Moon, instead
    of deep-shade muddy rivers,
    and Pain will be my walking cane
    and I will wake alone each morning
    because of what I do each day
    to push away the ones who love me.

    Today I am the perfect age
    independent, strong,
    I will not marry.
    I have no time to waste
    on compromise, I like
    my own decisions.
    Each day I find too short to finish
    what I think I must accomplish
    but one day I fear I'll find
    the time to feel
    postponed regret.









    Submitted on 2018-04-01 04:14:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      One day I will be very old,
    carrying years like stones

    I love this line. I love the whole first stanza.
    The symbolism and the metaphors are spot on.

    I don't know if the second stanza is needed. Or at least maybe it should be played with so that it, too is more metaphorical:

    Today I am a live oak,
    standing alone, strong,

    something maybe along those lines.
    Although maybe you are the stone or the river ???

    Anyway, just some thoughts. I do very much enjoy your work.


    | Posted on 2018-07-14 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      The content of this piece is really good and expressing anguish. The regret is very obvious. Analogies used are great and make the reader comprehend the pain of postponed regret.
    I would suggest to make it more rhythmic.
    | Posted on 2018-05-12 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]


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