[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: One Daydots

    Author: WriteSomething
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 24/23/9
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 749


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Daydots

    One day I will be very old,
    carrying years like stones
    in bent thin fingers,
    and my hair will be
    the color Moon, instead
    of deep-shade muddy rivers,
    and Pain will be my walking cane
    and I will wake alone each morning
    because of what I do each day
    to push away the ones who love me.

    Today I am the perfect age
    independent, strong,
    I will not marry.
    I have no time to waste
    on compromise, I like
    my own decisions.
    Each day I find too short to finish
    what I think I must accomplish
    but one day I fear I'll find
    the time to feel
    postponed regret.

    Submitted on 2018-04-01 04:14:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      One day I will be very old,
    carrying years like stones

    I love this line. I love the whole first stanza.
    The symbolism and the metaphors are spot on.

    I don't know if the second stanza is needed. Or at least maybe it should be played with so that it, too is more metaphorical:

    Today I am a live oak,
    standing alone, strong,

    something maybe along those lines.
    Although maybe you are the stone or the river ???

    Anyway, just some thoughts. I do very much enjoy your work.

    | Posted on 2018-07-14 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      The content of this piece is really good and expressing anguish. The regret is very obvious. Analogies used are great and make the reader comprehend the pain of postponed regret.
    I would suggest to make it more rhythmic.
    | Posted on 2018-05-12 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]