Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

untitled


Author: Chelebel
Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 53 /169 /180
Words: 72
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1568
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 420



Description:




untitled



“ cause you make it easy
Lovin up on you
Make it easy
With every little thing you
Do. “




If only I could make a man really feel this way. But whatever
I guess I’m not that girl. I guess that’s why country music stars are filling my head up with this nonsense. A false reality. So do I turn my radio off?





Submitted on 2018-04-11 02:17:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Poetry.... I find that some of the best advances in poetry occur when life has really smacked you in the face with life and what you've been writing seems inadequate.

then you kind of say to yourself. the situation.

alright, mother fucker, now we are going to go at it

so i appreciated the use of the quotes and the rather succinct but economical (suggesting efficiency) way you approached this.

The naive/dreamy 'If only' countered so quickly and cruelly by 'But whatever'

I think everything works in this poem, and I like the balance of the question at the end. It kind of serves as an example that as people we are odd creatures, able to intellectualize while being weighed down by some hefty emotional states. In this poem you feel for the speaker, you wonder how they will cope, what they will do and I very much admire/appreciate those kind of wanderings/possibilities in such a short piece and just that positioning of two things that seem quite at odds ( the heart and the mind ). Seems as if, one way or another, nature provides. Good poetry from you.
| Posted on 2018-04-11 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



202118