This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Munyonyo


Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 139 /260 /173
Words: 72
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1510
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 461



Description:




Munyonyo



the palm tree cuts the moon in half,
it bleeds its stenciled leaves into the room and shivers

your eyelash bounces back the shaft
through burlap curtains, nets, I strain
to hear where it rejoins the sky,
the space between cicada timbals --- even
our own expanding pleura --

before you shift, before the guard
slams metal shut and shuffles
away, across the sweating tiles




Submitted on 2018-05-27 08:26:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  From your poem "mid-term":

that north of Barcelona
beach where train tracks spilled
over
& took me
to the skies?

And here:

"through burlap curtains, nets, I strain
to hear where it rejoins the sky,"

And in "Beads":

My hip dislodged, it stutters, bends
towards the sky: a glassy languid face hung
against the window.




From a few of these I read I'm seeing engagement with perspective, objects and particularly a lower and higher space.
And the eye or eyes. You return to this it seems, and I find you're taking the reader here. Some of your poems are based in strong feelings and emotions, while others make the reader observent. I enjoyed these few I've read.


| Posted on 2021-11-22 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



202131