Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Munyonyodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 139/254/170
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1249
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 461



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMunyonyodots
    -------------------------------------------


    the palm tree cuts the moon in half,
    it bleeds its stenciled leaves into the room and shivers

    your eyelash bounces back the shaft
    through burlap curtains, nets, I strain
    to hear where it rejoins the sky,
    the space between cicada timbals --- even
    our own expanding pleura --

    before you shift, before the guard
    slams metal shut and shuffles
    away, across the sweating tiles




    Submitted on 2018-05-27 08:26:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      From your poem "mid-term":

    that north of Barcelona
    beach where train tracks spilled
    over
    & took me
    to the skies?

    And here:

    "through burlap curtains, nets, I strain
    to hear where it rejoins the sky,"

    And in "Beads":

    My hip dislodged, it stutters, bends
    towards the sky: a glassy languid face hung
    against the window.




    From a few of these I read I'm seeing engagement with perspective, objects and particularly a lower and higher space.
    And the eye or eyes. You return to this it seems, and I find you're taking the reader here. Some of your poems are based in strong feelings and emotions, while others make the reader observent. I enjoyed these few I've read.


    | Posted on 2021-11-22 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202131

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry