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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On Loopdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Daniel Barlow
    Elite Ratio:    5.97 - 2130/2088/1620
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 480
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3003



    Description:
       
    CLS


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn Loopdots
    -------------------------------------------





    .
         1.




         and it would be this song, only this song.
         all that was bad for me. all that i loved
         so well. time,
         like light, obstructed and reclaimed,
         from the structure of a bridge.


         
    do i need to say movement?

         

         i have so often wondered.
         why had you bothered?

         scrubbed, laboured, put yourself in a sweat.
         the way you organized my place; took my heavy duty nail
         file, my heavy duty toe-nail
         clippers...





         fuck you need them shits?































         2.

         the memory of you is
         a body covered all
         over in sweat





         the wind as it rips at the right
         angles of a rock regardless
         of composition








         the wind - as it tears at a wire
         when one is consigned
         to the elements.





         you know i have those
         places in me.






    Submitted on 2018-07-29 03:26:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      What I liked here unlocks the poem for me mainly in part 2,

    2.

    the memory of you is
    a body covered all
    over in sweat





    the wind as it rips at the right
    angles of a rock regardless
    of composition

    Its the two tones here that are blended which seem to me to be done inextricably, which is the sort of austere artiface of the sculpter, and then nature, randomness, unregarding. I like that as it's trying to bridge a kind of reconcilable point of view. Warm erotica, stoney silence. Concerted effort and randomness.

    Which again would take us to the preoccupation with memory over a bridge in part one and how to perceive it, at once from a point of view but also dictated to by light and the surroundings.

    It's a hard one to put altogether, but I feel that's okay because of these luck based surveys mixed with artiface that I'm referring to in the examination of those few lines from each.

    And the last two lines, they take that contradiction into themselves, into the body.

    Well, body is so overused a word these days isn't it? So elevated these days. But I would say this is either de-elevating the body or putting it on the same level as everything else. Everything being things viewed from different points of view.

    I was thinking this when I first read it at least Daniel. All the best!

    | Posted on 2018-08-07 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]


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