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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On Top of a Water Wheeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.68 - 96/136/117
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 79
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1142



    Description:
       


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    dotsOn Top of a Water Wheeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting on top of the water wheel
    Looking under the facade
    Though if of water
    Or the haze on my brain
    The foam or the brewing
    Underneath people walking by
    What's animating them, or me
    I really couldn't say.

    But it's up in the old mills
    I imagine Id rather be
    Preferably in single lodgings
    Preferably wading out of the shallows
    For a single day.

    But then it's not so long ago
    I saw the tremendous wheels
    Where powering nothing for show

    I said "all this reverence
    For that thing we have up in Old Bawn
    Well it feels kind of pointless on its own"

    And so the energy
    Is like what's outside now
    A hateful wind that can't even be goaded
    To brush up against the window

    It's what has me thinking
    Of mills and their water wheels and
    The people going by
    That I saw going down
    Dropping their coins into the Corrib
    They dwindled into that river only a day ago.




    Submitted on 2018-09-02 19:51:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      In this piece I like wading out of the shallows for a single day versus they dwindled into that river only a day ago.

    You have this dreamer / thoughtful bloke who is much about everything, whose thoughts are as much of a babble as the water wheel creates and underneath him is this shorter acceptance I would say where ppl just come and enjoy the space and or throw their coins on faith and that's where I love the inclusion of those two, similar but different points. I get the feeling that the moment in the poem is all about change, the narrator / voice is so much his self, so much in his head or quest of things that at the end there's a realization / mourning that something has been lost. Your great strength is that I find that beautifully sad, and at the same time there's the duality of it too, "dwindling" is a perfect word because it brings to my mind, also, the thought that these ppl have never really looked. It reminds me of Achilles, making the choice to live on in ppl's minds rather than live a happy life but then be forgotten. So, that's what I get about this poem, sadness and celebration, both ways. I think it's just excellent. Also, I'm only trying to convey what it does to me, a lot of your work also hits in a profound and urgent way without me perhaps possessing the intelligence, needed experience or instinct to know why, or what about it. I think that's the very best part about the way you write. Like you are challenging me to something, your writing asks a question.
    | Posted on 2018-09-21 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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