Genesis by saartha

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Genesis dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	saartha
ASL Info:	27/F/US
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 230/393/145
Words:	71

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	741
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	508

Description:

Genesis

-------------------------------------------

The night wind picks up
just a little, and the leaves

like the Creation of Adam
reach out their fingers

the stars, too, pointing
the darkened field

the failing thyme pot
thick scents of marigold

and me, holding a cat
humming on the porch

all of us extending
extending

No Adam, no God
just this moment

we have created
wholecloth together.

Submitted on 2018-09-10 00:48:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  The failing thyme pot and thick scents of marigold were perfectly timed here, Saartha. Just as the poem is about to float off into space, these aromatic lines carry us softly back to Earth.

And then the subject changes again, and we get a brief glimpse of the observer, sitting quietly on the porch with her cat.

I have the feeling of a camera zooming in on these scenes; the observed, from large to smaller, the observer, and then the bubble of thought that keeps all of these things anchored to eachother.

What would you think about a full stop after 'this moment?'

'We have created wholecloth together' is powerful enough to stand alone.

A lovely poem.
| Posted on 2019-02-04 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
  An appreciation of the senses is truly a blessing. This is a nice shift between that which might seem ineffable which transcends seemingly backwards through a thoughtful and finer appreciation of what we can truly feel and better appreciate, this sensory scope of creation.

This kind of reminds me of something I wrote once, thanks.

Lloyd
| Posted on 2018-10-04 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbaNS3bxtUU

had minute 22 playing as i read this. what a state of relaxation.
| Posted on 2018-09-11 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

202183

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.