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By the bar

Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 139 /260 /173
Words: 103
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1501
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 834


By the bar

I look over, & in those blurry eyes
I cannot help but see an outline
Of you, half-reclining, a tie,
Across your stomach, your
Perfectly manicured pocket
Square beneath the terracotta
Pate of head.

It wasn’t you after all. It was
Brown sofa, broken up, white vase,
A decorative plate.

Myopic—— that’s what you were
Amongst Kampala nights spread out
—— head-first, they fell towards
The edge of lake ——

—— and didn’t drown, didn’t die——
Dramatically fly themselves towards
Reflective mists between moon borders,
Smog-smudged as if by someone’s finger
To ink-black waters.

Submitted on 2018-09-18 12:15:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I’ve been away far too long to bring out the yellow highlighter. Instead I’d rather say that everything looks like it is where it should be and if I ever come back here I’d definitely like to spend some time reading your thoughts. Very impressed
| Posted on 2018-10-11 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  Your punctuation of this is pretty neat I think, it's got energy and urgency and grit and vigor because of the flow. I like the fragmentation of it and the abstract personification though I sense your apartment and my apartment would be quite different and in a sense that keeps me back but also makes the poem more about this narrator (after all, why should it be about me) so I dig and admire her, though can offer no literary comment on how she decorates the interior. You do have style 😊
| Posted on 2018-09-19 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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