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    dots Submission Name: By the bardots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 139/254/170
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1230
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 759


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBy the bardots

    I look over, & in those blurry eyes
    I cannot help but see an outline
    Of you, half-reclining, a tie,
    Across your stomach, your
    Perfectly manicured pocket
    Square beneath the terracotta
    Pate of head.

    It wasn’t you after all. It was
    Brown sofa, broken up, white vase,
    A decorative plate.

    Myopic—— that’s what you were
    Amongst Kampala nights spread out
    —— head-first, they fell towards
    The edge of lake ——

    —— and didn’t drown, didn’t die——
    Dramatically fly themselves towards
    Reflective mists between moon borders,
    Smog-smudged as if by someone’s finger
    To ink-black waters.

    Submitted on 2018-09-18 12:15:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I’ve been away far too long to bring out the yellow highlighter. Instead I’d rather say that everything looks like it is where it should be and if I ever come back here I’d definitely like to spend some time reading your thoughts. Very impressed
    | Posted on 2018-10-11 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Your punctuation of this is pretty neat I think, it's got energy and urgency and grit and vigor because of the flow. I like the fragmentation of it and the abstract personification though I sense your apartment and my apartment would be quite different and in a sense that keeps me back but also makes the poem more about this narrator (after all, why should it be about me) so I dig and admire her, though can offer no literary comment on how she decorates the interior. You do have style 😊
    | Posted on 2018-09-19 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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