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    dots Submission Name: The First Timedots

    Author: Wolfwatching
    ASL Info:    28/Male/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    7.51 - 99/143/128
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1567
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 482


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    dotsThe First Timedots

    I'd like to take a train to Bray
    And write that poem where I discovered

    The first time,
    I ever felt shackled.

    It'd say: "The other day we walked home
    for no reason in particular",

    But it wouldn't help anymore to drag it up
    Like a broken tune at midnight,

    No it's probably just that one instance
    Among others

    That vies to feel somehow sincere.

    Submitted on 2018-09-18 20:38:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the cadence of this one a lot Craig and the ambiguity of it, you can never quite figure this one out, whether the narrator is a good guy or an asshole, regretful or forgettable and so I find the whole thing has a synergy and working pieces, shackled, like to say, like to take the train (to Bray)

    and there's a great complexity to that walk that they took

    No particular reason/drag it out like a broken tune

    It wouldn't help v vies

    Instance / among others to be sincere.

    I just think that this poem is a bit like that sand art where the sands Cascade in different ways each time they are tipped and the poem itself is rich and heroic or perhaps even objectionable - but I honestly thought it was sweet and I found I could love it. It's flawless, I reckon. Other than your lack of ' type things.
    | Posted on 2018-09-19 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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