Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    4.97 - 180/113/59
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 558
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 837



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    your stolen moment lept into mine
    with a twist and a sigh;
    a hungry eye glance with regret on your lips
    sways and slips sashayed on my hips
    sweet as the sweat that dries as it drips
    down your satin-soft skin reaching your grip
    around the blades of my shoulder and my fingertips
    stolen moments like this that I’m terrified I’ll miss.

    slow beating hearts make these moments slow down,
    you spin me around and around and around
    away from all sound, toward a stillness you found
    that you’re anchored to now, concaved to the ground;
    strange rhythms inbound, impound to confound
    our language in air, and so we slow down--

    we stop for a moment, our bearings hellbound
    the song is in outro, our moment outbound




    Submitted on 2018-12-14 13:37:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's been a long time since I have laid eyes on a romantic poem such as this. Your wording is refreshing, only I wish the composition were less like a story and more like a prose - only this is taste. Much appreciation; passion is scarce among a society that only seeks predetermination. For this, I, myself, am guilty. Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2019-03-11 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      You have good expression of your passion. However, you work way too hard to make rhymes. That detracts. Also you should avoid inversions to get end rhymes. That breaks the flow.
    | Posted on 2018-12-24 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202259

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    what a thought could do to you written by Daniel Barlow
    Lying Acceptance written by ForgottenGraves
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Within a structure written by Daniel Barlow
    At The Bottom written by MyPeriodical
    Emotions written by taintedsmiles
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Ahem written by Daniel Barlow
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sólo por pensar asi written by MyPeriodical
    Yearn written by saartha
    The written by Hazy skies
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    motivations, eclectic. written by Daniel Barlow
    For serious written by Daniel Barlow
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    The Inate written by MyPeriodical
    Forms and girders written by Daniel Barlow
    Something Spoken written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    a given written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry