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    dots Submission Name: Hide awaydots

    Author: robbie
    ASL Info:    20/m/mi
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 53/54/36
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 583
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1048


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    dotsHide awaydots

    What was once built out of wood comes Crashing Down fast
    A wall of wood you should have known would never last
    Build it bigger build it better then before
    But don't forget to place a door
    Stone by Stone Brick by Brick
    A task like this doesn't happen quick
    For whatever it is and for whatever I've been shown
    Be careful because if you remove a brick or stone
    Everything weakens and starts to crumble
    And that makes for grabbing for bricks one giant fumble
    Again stone walls come crumbling and cracking
    Revealing every flaw and everything you're lacking
    So build the wall stronger and ever so much thicker
    This time out of steel they will go up much quicker
    Build them up until they block the light
    Bunker down defend and prepare to fight
    Walls out of steel can remain Unbroken
    They will always help keep things unspoken
    Lock the gate hide the key
    So now maybe there's two beasts inside of me

    Submitted on 2019-01-15 13:45:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You show us the equivalent of a "plot twist" in poetic terms toward the end and I thoroughly enjoyed this, but I can't help but notice the capitalized words throughout the stanza and this unsettles me. I see why you would highlight these words, but the message is clear and I find it unnecessary.
    This reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend not too long ago; talking about walls and how good spirits may meet you there - For it exists, but I don't see why you would want to lock monsters within four of them. Why not build spaces for due circulation of the good and the bad? Perhaps you did not mean mal entities, but whichever be confined within you.
    Thank you for sharing, but I deem it not to be your best.
    | Posted on 2019-03-11 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]

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