The Veil -------------------------------------------
The clouds are like a thin veil
trying to obscure the moon.
A wisp of a mist.
Hoping to hide the night from my eyes
Afraid that I might become transfixed.
But it is just a veil.
Barely able to dull the beauty of what I see.
Unable to cover the majesty of the scene before me.
And so I stand in awe.
Helpless as this moment tears through me.
My heart howls
Trying to find a release
Some way to cope with this image now burned into my soul
As I stand there
Unable to control the torrent raging inside me
And no one there to witness
But the moon
Through a veil.
I love the idea of this. It has a soft, contemplative feel that is harmonious with images of the veiled moon.
To tighten it up a little, I would suggest the removal of a few conjunctions such as 'a' and 'the.' These connecting words can bog down the flow where they are unnecessary.
For a greater sense of immediacy and to remain true to the present tense, it may also help to rethink some of the words ending in -ing.
Something else I have learned that has been helpful has been to take a look at which lines are capitalized and only capitalize lines after a full stop or which begin a new thought. This can be difficult when most computers auto capitalize each new line.