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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i would...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Awkward
    ASL Info:    246/In chains.../Q8
    Elite Ratio:    5.34 - 1616/1674/279
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 636
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 900



    Description:
       real ice and real dust: treasure trove...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi would...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    ...buy ice from your hands
    because it would take me back to the north,
    from the south
    (where-ice-is-still-thought-to-be-magical)
    yes.
    you could sell ice to me.

    and i would sell you dust from my shirt
    because it would show you what woodsmoke smells like
    and ochre
    and sandalwood too
    yes.
    and you would get a good price,
    you-buyer-of-dust-from-far-off-places...

    ice and dust,
    dust and ice,
    both trap vital clues to what went before.

    and
    we-can-if-we-want-to.

    we can send ice and dust by e-mail now
    as we send our dee-en-ay,
    no longer on a stamp now,
    but on the pages of a face book...

    so,
    i would buy real ice
    and you would receive real dust.

    and that would be alright.




    Submitted on 2019-04-02 19:23:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's interesting to think that the act of exchanging, trading, the ice and dust is what makes them real in the end. That is ultimately our gain in this adventure.

    The only thing that felt off to me was the tension towards the end: the refusal of the formalism of science against the easy acceptance of the new ways. I don't know what to do with it.

    Yours is Keith, mine is...
    | Posted on 2019-08-21 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this several times a what stands out to me is the simplicity of the message. Oh there's still the depth that is a hallmark of your writing, but at the heart of this is the message of "take me as I am with all my gritty parts." The ice and dust become metaphors for how our environments help form us, but we accept all of that when we accept the person. Your line about woodsmoke made my brain go directly to my husband. it's a send I associate with him. I often joke with him how strange it is that I find the scent an aphrodisiac of sorts. It wouldn't work for a lot of women but it works for us, and yes, that's okay.
    | Posted on 2019-05-07 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      ...buy ice from your hands
    because it would take me back to the north,
    from the south
    (where-ice-is-still-thought-to-be-magical)
    yes.
    you could sell ice to me.

    The most critical word (for me) in this opening section is 'yes.' because it brings meaning to other key information. We're (we are) ((you are)) talking about a person of regions, and he is saying that he's from there but perhaps presently over here....
    so that yes really hits home and kind of talks about a man with two homes, maybe.

    Anyway, the yes is beautiful because it lifts your eyes back up to the opening line which speaks about proximity and the transfer of touch but before it even does that, in an unspoken way it brings to mind that saying 'you could sell ice to an eskimo'

    and. i just have to say i found that completely kool and endearing. Being from NZ and living in the states i completely understanding what you are saying there when you are not saying it, it's kind of like when i hear the thick and unchanged accents of my countrymen, my family or my mum.

    So, a statement of love. That first section is very close up and intimate and I'm always kind of amazed with how much you can say in just a little bit. I like the universal (love and what is valued) v the regional where what is in abundance in one area might be seen as a novelty or highly prized in another. I like the way it places the guy as a bit of an oddity or in the awkward position of being to see two ways down the looking glass, hard to explain but it's like there is one stream of him, two different people. Somehow in all of this that is comforting.

    I have a hello kitty bandage on my little shower shelf thingy from when bre-anna stayed (and a scratch on my coffee table)
    and a little racetrack (gas station) sachet i stuck to a nail on my wall from where she dumped her large-sized coffee on the hood of my car- and these are the things, the little things we remember.

    like i said, this did my spirit good.
    | Posted on 2019-05-01 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      This did my spirit good to read.
    | Posted on 2019-04-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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