Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Essencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    4.97 - 180/113/59
    Words: 386
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 112
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2385



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEssencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    We talk and we say and we share and we commu-ni-cate
    but really:
    are we saying anything at all?

    You tell me you hate your boss, he’s stubborn
    and old-fashioned and can’t see past his own
    barriers of knowledge.
    You tell me your coworker doesn’t respect you and
    never responds to your emails until you CC her
    higher ups and even then, she will send fake
    updates to your manager without including you.
    You huff and puff that the bus almost ran you over
    because drivers just don’t acknowledge cyclists in this city
    and how awful is it that hundreds of people get
    into accidents because no one looks when opening taxi doors.

    So you’ve shared and now I know, I know
    that you have a difficult boss and a sneaky coworker
    and that you cycle around New York.

    But.

    Is that you? Is that all there is at the essence of
    millions on millions of cells and impulses and current
    traveling through thousands of pathways, receiving hundreds
    of messages and data points every second?

    A being so complex and intricate and subtle, we barely
    understand what is happening beneath our first layer of skin.

    Are all of those systems and connections and reactions
    described simply by a manager, a coworker, and a bicycle?

    I want to know more.

    I want to know how your retina receives the colors that
    my face emits. What shade of brown are my eyes by the time
    that they reach your optic nerve? How quickly does your
    visual cortex assemble the pieces of information that make up
    my smile?

    I want to know the first sound wave that reaches your eardrum in the morning
    and the precise shape that your hair cells are molded into.
    Does your amygdala heighten activity
    in your auditory nerve when I whisper your name?

    I want to know how much force I have to apply to your
    fingertips and your palm
    for your Meissner’s receptors to trigger chills
    on the back of your neck.

    We say and we share and we communicate, but
    really
    what I want to know is
    the millions of ways that only you experience the world.




    Submitted on 2019-04-22 20:54:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this.. mostly.

    You almost lost me with how long the beginning is. Maybe that was your point? Personally, I think the poem would be improved by condensing the lead up to "I want to know more"

    ...everything beyond that point is Brilliant. I particularly love the way you incorporate specific scientific language. And your last line is beautifully impactful.

    Keep up the good work!
    ~Doh
    | Posted on 2019-04-25 00:00:00 | by rememberplaydoh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    202337

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Taos written by MyPeriodical
    March to the Block written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Poets written by HisNameIsNoMore
    & written by MEGASWELL
    when angels deserve to die written by MyPeriodical
    4AM New York written by TheStillSilence
    Terrified part two written by MyPeriodical
    *)*(*)*(*)*(* written by MEGASWELL
    Only One You written by Darkwarrior
    Essence written by TheStillSilence
    The Searchers written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ramble Rumble Tumble Jumble written by MEGASWELL
    Entrapment written by rememberplaydoh
    For Joanne written by rememberplaydoh
    The Charlatan Tree written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Up in Smoke written by rememberplaydoh
    Sledge written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Spit the World into a Gin Glass written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On September Lips written by HisNameIsNoMore
    bleeding part one written by MyPeriodical
    proclamations to the void written by cornonthekob
    ~~~ written by MEGASWELL
    ./*.*./*.*./*. written by MEGASWELL
    Happy Birthday written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The america that I remember written by TheStillSilence
    How much for love? written by Darkwarrior
    ¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡ written by MEGASWELL
    Saviors and Storms written by HisNameIsNoMore
    30/Om written by rememberplaydoh

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry