[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Hara kiridots

    Author: rememberplaydoh
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 78/103/60
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 349


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHara kiridots

    (written 19 April 2019)

    Harakiri of the soul,
    My friend,
    Connecting dots of traumas
    In ways that
    only you could understand.

    Zig-zag lines rend my core,
    My emotions tumble.
    I howl at the Moon.

    ...Once, you said you loved me...

    Submitted on 2019-04-26 18:37:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i too remember Play-Doh but due to familial budgetary constraints when younger, was asked to make do(h) with salt dough - sough eye did...

    as for your submission mate, it's clearly a cathartic piece and the class/type, poetry/broken heart is a giveaway (i for one would remove this option as in my opinion, it rather lessens the need to interpret).

    i like the imagery which as it should be, bearing in mind the Japanese element, is both measured and cruel.

    however, i do think that the physical shape of the narrative could be changed in order to better enforce such strong emotional intent so:

    (title) Once, you said you loved me...

    Harakiri of the soul my friend,
    Connecting dots.
    Connecting dots of traumas,
    In ways that only you could understand.

    (Carve) zig-zag lines across my soul.
    my emotions tumble disemboweled
    and i howl at the Moon.

    hope this helps in some way and good luck with all of the rest of it...

    | Posted on 2019-04-27 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]