Hara kiri

Author: rememberplaydoh Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 78 /103 /60 Words: 45

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1153 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 349

Description:

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Hara kiri

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(written 19 April 2019) Harakiri of the soul, My friend, Connecting dots of traumas In ways that only you could understand. Zig-zag lines rend my core, ripping, My emotions tumble. Disemboweled, I howl at the Moon. ...Once, you said you loved me...

Submitted on 2019-04-26 18:37:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

i too remember Play-Doh but due to familial budgetary constraints when younger, was asked to make do(h) with salt dough - sough eye did... as for your submission mate, it's clearly a cathartic piece and the class/type, poetry/broken heart is a giveaway (i for one would remove this option as in my opinion, it rather lessens the need to interpret). i like the imagery which as it should be, bearing in mind the Japanese element, is both measured and cruel. however, i do think that the physical shape of the narrative could be changed in order to better enforce such strong emotional intent so: (title) Once, you said you loved me... Harakiri of the soul my friend, Connecting dots. Connecting dots of traumas, In ways that only you could understand. (Carve) zig-zag lines across my soul. ripping, my emotions tumble disemboweled and i howl at the Moon. hope this helps in some way and good luck with all of the rest of it... k

| Posted on 2019-04-27 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]

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